Honor - personal integrity in dating

We like to live our lives our own way, do our own thing and choose our own path. Some people like to give us input, whether we want it or not. Yet, every so often comes some advice that really hits home and makes us change because it comes from someone we trust. It becomes even more impactful when you know that the advice given is the last thing you may ever hear from this person.

Think of someone you have trusted and loved in your life. Someone who has given you good instruction and wasn’t afraid to tell you how it is. Now think of the urgency they might speak to you if they knew that their death was coming soon, and what they were about to say is the last thing you would ever hear.

This is what we encounter when we open up the book of 2 Timothy. Paul is in prison facing the an impending death sentence. He knows that in a matter of days he will die and he pauses to write a letter to his son in the faith, Timothy. Now this is a book from a specially appointed apostle to a young pastor, however the spiritual principles speak to everyone of us who name the name of Christ.

Over the next couple of weeks I want to explore these impassioned words to young Timothy from Paul and see how the advice given is relevant to today’s youth and their view of dating. I’m calling this “Dating Warfare” based on the instruction to “guard the good deposit.” I first thought of a Sentinel, a military guard who has been entrusted with a great task. You may think of the guards at Arlington Cemetery who will stand guard at the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier 24/7 365 days a year, no matter the condition. I recently saw a picture of these guards, all volunteers, who stay faithful to their call no matter what the circumstance is. It is such an example of what we are called to do in the Bible.

I am convinced that one of the greatest battlefields Christians face today is that of romantic relationships. Satan knows that God has created us as relational beings (Genesis 2:18) and just as our first parents where drawn away by the forbidden fruit, so too are our hearts quickly pulled away from God’s plan for us. This culture we live in has been so impacted by a false view of marriage and intimacy that the statics within the church are following the world’s pattern at a staggering rate.

It is why I think the message of 2 Timothy is so timely for our teens. Paul calls Timothy to a life of Honor (chapter 1), Courage (chapter 2), Commitment (Chapter 3) and to Lead by Example (chapter 4), of which we will look at over the next coming weeks.

Honor

Personal integrity is such a fragile thing. It can take an entire lifetime to build integrity but only a moment to destroy it. I once heard integrity defined as “who you are when nobody is looking.” The real you. As Christians, there is a “code of conduct” that God has called us to in Christ Jesus. Yet so many that call themselves Christians today have completely different standards when it comes to dating and relationships then what the Bible has.

Legend has it that when a young soldier fell asleep at his post, he was discover by Alexander the Great. This offense was punishable by death. Alexander the Great asked the soldier what his name was. “Alexander,” said the solider. Alexander the Great responded with, “change your name or change your conduct.”

Too many Christians are Christians in name only but not in conduct. Honor in our walk with Jesus means that we live a repentant lifestyle, that is, we humbly submit our conduct to God’s will, not our own. To come to Christ we must first acknowledge our own sinfulness and need for a Savior. When Christ forgives us, he declares “go and sin no more.” Sure we wrestle with sin, but you MUST be wrestling with it, not giving in to it.

There is a Promised Life in Christ

 When you choose to follow Christ, He has promised you new life, an abundant life (John 10:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17). As we saw last week, God has provided everything we need for life and godliness. You better believe that this promised life and provision for that life includes our view of dating, sex, and relationships.

Paul shows us that Timothy had a sincere faith, meaning he lived out what he believed. That is the definition of honor. He reminded him that fear does not come from God, but power, love and self-control.

In our culture, it is easy to be fearful about taking a stand on sexual purity and intentional dating. By sexual purity, I mean that according to God’s Word there is only one appropriate avenue for sex, which is within the confines of marriage. Marriage is intended to be between one man and one woman for one lifetime. Intentional dating is closer aligned to a traditional courtship, where there is the goal of marriage and getting to know someone with the anticipation of commitment. Dating today becomes cheap imitations that lead to more problems then help…more on this later.

The life we have in Christ promises to give us power to stand strong in the face of temptation. It demonstrates for us true love and a pattern for us to build our relationships off of. And gives us the ability to remain pure in tempting situations.

Standing Firm

Paul reminds Timothy to not be ashamed of Jesus but to guard the deposit entrusted to him. In our culture it is very tempting to back down from biblical principles because the seem “outdated” or “old fashioned.” The media and entertainment industry tries to make anyone who holds to biblical virtues look stupid and silly. When Christians cave on these biblical standards, they do so because they are embarrassed of Jesus. Let me say that again, when you choose to follow the world over the Bible it is because you are embarrassed of Jesus. The Bible is Jesus’ Word to us, it’s about His character, His love. The Bible describes the design, delight and desire of our Creator, Jesus Christ.

Instead we are to guard the deposit God has given to us in Christ Jesus. He has given us forgiveness, a relationship with Him, a promised hope and the Holy Spirit. He has promised us blessings when we obey Him. He wants you to know that when you are not ashamed and you stand firm, He will bless your relationships.

If you do not obey and honor God before marriage, what makes you think you will in marriage? Think about that.

The Key is Knowing your Commanding Officer

“But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.” Paul writes this to inspire Timothy and us. When you know Jesus (John 17:3) then you will have confidence in Him. He is the one who guards you and will hold you. He is the one who picks you up and cleans you off (1 John 1:9). Look to Him for inspiration and hope.

As I like to say, love and pursue Jesus with all you have and He will work out the details. In dating, as you seek to honor Jesus with your decisions He will guide you. Those you date will either be attracted to Jesus through you or repelled by Him. There is no middle ground. You just have to do your part and purse Jesus. Know you Commanding Officer, trust Him and hold fast to what He has given you.

Seek to live a life, in dating specifically and all areas generally, that is full of honor. So that one day Jesus doesn’t say to you, “change your name or your conduct,” but “well done my good and faithful servant.”