Relationship Goals: Dating

It’s been said, “if you aim at nothing and you will hit it every time.” If you have no goal, no purpose, no direction you will have no measurements, no motivation and often times you will miss out on what you want. Sometimes we have thoughts about what we would like to do, but we don’t really plan for it or set a goal for it.

Setting goals, personal benchmarks that we would like to reach, is super helpful in all areas of life. Goals are thought through and predetermined before endeavoring on an adventure.

Tonight, we are going to discuss Goals for Dating and Relationships. It is best to determine these goals before you ever enter into a relationship, but it is never too late to stop, think and plan for a Godly goal. 

It’s always a good start to ask your parents what their rules for dating are. Remember what we talked about a couple of weeks ago, God has placed your parents in your life for your good, so honor and obey them.

As believers, we have the best resource available to help us with our goals: the Word of God.

So, I am going to give you a few Bible verses to read and then I want you to answer two questions. “What?” What is the Word of God telling you to do? Often times it is clearly spelled out. We may not like it immediately, but God is clear in what He desires from us.

Secondly, “Why?” Why does the Word of God give us this command? God is so good to give us reasons behind these commands. It is helpful to remember that God is the Author and Giver of life, and since He created us, He knows what is best for our ultimate good, our greatest joy and for His glory.

Ephesians 5:1-2

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. ² And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

What? – Imitate God out of love, walk in love.

Why? – Jesus loved us and gave himself for us.

This goal may not seem to be specifically related to dating, but it should be the goal of every aspect of our lives if we are believers in Jesus. This goal implies you have a knowledge of Jesus Christ and the Word of God. You need to know what God has done and is doing if you are going to imitate Him. You need to understand how much God loves you and why Jesus was willing to die for you. When you fix your eyes on Jesus, He shapes the way you will encounter dating and later your marriage.

Goal #1: Imitate Jesus in our lives and relationships

The next passage is:

2 Corinthians 6:14-16

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?¹⁵ What accord has Christ with Belial?^[a] Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

What? – Don’t date/marry unbelievers.

Why? – Believers and unbelievers have different priorities, morals, goals, ambitions. Believers are to put Christ first because He is our God and is with us.

If you have trusted Jesus Christ as the risen Son of God, then you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). That means you have been made spiritually alive to the things of God. Unbelievers, though they may be nice and good looking, do not concern themselves with the things of God. Your relationship with Jesus needs to be the priority. You need to only date people who will help you grow closer to Jesus.

It is also important to recognize that just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn’t mean they are truly a Christ follower. You need to observe their manner of life before you enter into a relationship with them.

Goal #2: Date/marry a believer, someone who will bring you closer to Christ

Exodus 20:4-6

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing steadfast love to thousands^[a] of those who love me and keep my commandments.

What? – Don’t make an idol out of any relationship.

Why? – God is a just God who will punish sin. He is a loving God who will bless the obedient.

Don’t put someone (or anything) before God. This could be the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be making pleasure your idol. It could be a specific person. When someone or something begins to take the place of God in your life, it is an idol.

The best thing you could do for your boyfriend/girlfriend is to love Jesus first. When you put your love and desire for Jesus first, you will love and respect others immeasurably more than if you place them above Jesus. When Jesus is first, He works in and through you for the good of others.

There is a promise in the commandment. If you pursue idols, there will be consequences. However, when you are obedient, God promises blessings.

Goal #3: Keep God first, don’t make an idol out of any relationship

Hebrews 13:4

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

What? – Honor marriage, pursue purity.

Why? – God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

When it comes to dating, you should keep in mind that the purpose for dating is to ultimately lead to marriage. A good question to ask is "is this someone I could marry?" 

Two things here, marriage is to be honored and we are to save ourselves for marriage. Our society does not have a high view of marriage. The Traditional Biblical view of marriage has been under attack for years now. But God wants all true followers of Jesus to honor and respect marriage. Why is this so important to God?

Marriage is a picture, a parable about Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is the most intimate human relationship and it reflects Christ’s love and pursuit of the Church. Christian marriage is to emulate Christ and radiate His glory in this world.

We need to start now to shape our thinking about marriage and how that affects our dating decisions. Sexual purity is rare in our culture, but it is one way that we can stand out as lights in this world. 

There is no such thing as casual sex. Sex is a big deal. Sex changes things. There is consequence for disobedience. If you don’t honor God before marriage, how can you expect God to bless your marriage? The best advice is to honor God first, have a high view of marriage and sex and walk in purity.

Goal #4: Pursue Purity

1 Corinthians 6:16-20

¹⁶ Or do you not know that he who is joined^[a] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” ¹⁷ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. ¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin^[b] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. ¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, ²⁰ for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

What? – Flee from sexual immorality, glorify God in your body.

Why? – Your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit, you were bought with a price. Sex is designed to unite two into one flesh. Don’t join Christ with your sin.

This passage continues the theme we just talked about. But look at the “Why” we are given here. If you are a believer in Jesus, then your Body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. You were bought with a price, the costly blood of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:18-19). Therefore, you are called to be separate.

Again, when we have goals it can be easier keep focused. Keep the Temple clean, uncluttered and ready for worship. You are joined with the Holy Spirit, so don’t try to join with any form of immorality.

The word of sexual immorality is “porneia”, meaning any form of sexual conduct outside of marriage. This includes sex, touching, pornography, and sexting. We are to flee from all of that outside of marriage.

Goal #5: Flee from sexual immorality

As we consider these 5 goals, and there are many more we could talk about, I want to leave with you one more verse.

1 John 1:9

 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

We all fail from time to time, or even every day. It is so important to know that if you haven’t kept these goals, that God provides forgiveness for those who repent and confess their sins. You don’t have to allow your past, or a momentary indiscretion, to define your future.

When you agree with God that your actions were a sin and ask for forgiveness, He will forgive you.