Relationship Goals: Caring IN Relationships

There is power in a kind word and listening ear. Do you realize the potential you have to bless, encourage and help others? God has designed you in and equipped you to be in relationships with other people, and when you use your words and ears in a Christ honoring way you will bless others around you.

But the flip side of that truth is that words can be very damaging and hurtful. We often read reports of people who have been damaged or destroyed by harmful words. 

Did you learn the lyric as a child: “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? It is so wrong. Words can hurt. They have the power to destroy or to build up.

As a Christian, we have to be careful with our words. Just because you are saying something that is right, doesn’t mean that it is going to build up. It’s not just the words we say, but it’s how we say them that impacts others.

We have been looking at relational goals over the past few weeks. We’ve looked at our relationships with our parents, our friends and our romantic interests. In all these relationships, we have to learn that we have an opportunity to be a minister of Jesus Christ to them through our words and actions.

Why would we want to do that? When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus responded by telling us that we need to love God first, but then he added the second is to love our neighbors. Loving God will result in loving our neighbors. The way we listen and communicate with others is one of the biggest steps in loving our neighbor for the glory of God.

That can be very hard to do. We live in a broken and fallen world. We live in a day and age where everyone has an opinion about what is right or wrong. We encounter people every day who oppose the biblical views. How do we interact with those who disagree with the Bible?

I want to give 6 foundational principles to caring for others. These are 6 principles you need to know and understand that will shape the way you speak to others. Then I want to give you 4 practical steps to use when caring for others.

6 Foundational Principles

These 6 principles are important for you as a believer in Jesus Christ to continually shape the way you view the world and the people who live in it. I am convinced the more these truths influence your thinking the easier it will be to care for and counsel others.

1.     Recognize the Imago Dei (Genesis 1:27)

Every person you encountered has been created in the Image of God. They were created to be in a relationship with God. Humans are not just another evolved animal, but they are a special creation by God. The image of God sets humans apart from everything else.

This means that everyone you encounter is unique, special and valuable in God’s eyes. No matter their background, ethnicity or income level, you need to treat others with respect and care. They have real thoughts and feelings because they are created in God’s image.

This also means that God knows what is best for them. Their deepest desires and longings are to know Him and will only be fulfilled by Him.

2.     Be Gospel Centered (Luke 19:10)

Jesus is the answer. Jesus is the answer for your needs and for the person you are talking to. Our sins separate us from God and we cannot work them off. Jesus paid the price and overcame sin on our behalf. Only through Him can we find victory and freedom from sin.

No matter how lost or confused a person is, Jesus is the answer to their hearts question. How would Jesus seek him or her? How would He respond to them? He left heaven and was willing to die for them.

When you see Christ as the answer to your deepest hurts and struggles, you can then help others see Christ as the answer to theirs.

It is vital that you communicate to them that they do not have to be free of their struggles to receive and follow Jesus. When they see their need for Christ and choose to follow Him, He will walk the path with them and His Spirit will bring healing to them.

3.     Counsel from Confidence not from Fear (2 Timothy 1:7)

Start from a position of confidence in what you believe. If you truly believe God’s Word, you have no reason to be defensive. This means you need to continually study and know the Word of God.

I noticed in my own life that when I am confident about a biblical position or theological truth, I am relaxed and willing to talk about it. I’m not afraid of other positions. I can patiently dialogue with someone and help them see God the way I see Him.

But when I am uncertain, I become defensive. I get upset easily. I want to silent the opposition and destroy their arguments. Let me tell you, that will not help a person dealing with tough issues. You will push them from Christ instead of pointing them confidently to the throne of Grace.

4.     The Bible is Right (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

The Bible is not just an ordinary book. It is not a man-made collection of myths and legends. It is a divine book. It was given to us by God through the Holy Spirit who moved men to write the words that we need to hear to know God.

When we know that God is the Creator, He created us in His Image, and He has given us His book for our lives, we must come to the conclusion that God’s Word is the authority for our lives. He has given us the users manual on how to live.

Jesus said that He has come to give us abundant life (John 10:10). The problem is that Satan has an amazing marketing department and we think sinning is “living.” Jesus knows that sin is destroying us and the Bible points us to the Good Way (Jeremiah 6:16).

No matter the issue you are talking about, the Bible defines reality.  Not perception, not culture, not media, not experience, no, it is God’s Word that defines right and wrong.

5.     Appreciate the Reality of Fallen Frustrations (Romans 8:20-23; Matthew 19:12)
We all, in some ways, have a disconnect with how we feel and God's objective reality. We may know the truth of God's Word, but may not feel like it is true. 

Living in a broken and fallen world means that things are not the way they should be. They Word is tainted with sin, even creation itself is groaning for the day of redemption when Christ will restore all things.

But for now, we need to battle against and overcome the brokenness and falleness within ourselves and seek the restoration of others. This is why God gave us the Holy Spirit and His Word. 

With that said, you a cannot expect a non-believer to live by biblical standards, to think with a biblically, or to agree with a biblical worldview. Instead, expect them to be opposed to it, and therefore, you need to present it in a compassionate and compelling way. 

6.     Have the Longview in Mind (Ephesians 2:10)
A Masterpiece doesn't happen overnight. You cannot "fix" someone with a single conversation. That shouldn't be your goal anyway. "Fixing" is the wrong approach and assumes too much. Instead, engage and seek to be helpful while pointing them to Jesus Christ. 

Don't expect too much too soon. Think of your conversation as a building block, not a finished product. It may take dozens, hundreds or thousands of conversations to help someone find their identity in Christ. That's ok, because we are talking about eternity here. Slow down, listen, love them and encourage them. 

4 Practical Steps

1.     Pray for Humility and Discernment (James 1:5)

Caring for others is a divine task and we need help. Prayer is calling on God to help give you wisdom and understanding before you enter into conversation. Sometimes you know the conversation is coming and have time to pray beforehand. Other times it is simply a silent and quick, “Dear God I need your words right now” type of prayer.

Praying for the conversation recognizes that you are fighting a spiritual battle. You don’t need to know everything about the issues, you need to trust that God will speak in and through you. Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide and direct your words.

2.     Ask Questions (James 1:19; Provers 20:5)

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone would just come to you, ask your advice and do exactly what you said? Yeah that is not reality. People are people. They have real thoughts and feelings. Often the very topic you talk about might be something they have tied their identity to.

Asking questions and listening ears allows you engage the heart of others. It shows them you value them and truly care. Active listening is a lost art, but is so powerful when you learn to do it.

3.     Look at the Book (Psalm 139; Psalm 19:7-11; Isaiah 55:11)

It is so important to know Scripture and share Scripture. It is God’s Word, not human counsel, that will change hearts. Remember we are not trying just change behavior, but see heart change. God promises His Word will be effective and it will accomplish what He intends it to.

The Psalms beautifully demonstrate the heart of God toward man, that He created, fashioned and loves us. Psalm 19 starts with the truth about God as Creator and, in verses 7-11, talk about the power the Word of God has in our lives.

Learn how to lovingly share the Word of God with others, allow them to know that it’s God’s Word and not yours.

4.     Give Hope (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Everyone is struggling with sin and sometimes the battle seems overwhelming. Some persist in sin and seek destructive patterns because they think they deserve to be punished. The human condition naturally creates an improper view of life and our situation. That is why the Gospel is so powerful. We have the opportunity to speak life into a person struggle. To let them know that God loves them and wants them to know His forgiveness.

Not only does God offer forgiveness, but He promises to make us knew. He has a plan and will continue to work that plan in us (Philippians 1:6). God is bigger than any of our struggles and He promises victory and freedom.

There's much more we could say, but when you allow these 6 principles to influence you as you utilize these 4 steps you will see a difference in the way conversations go with others. They will help you move from arguments to discussions, from appearing condescending to being compassionate, and from seeming to be judgmental to being caring.

In every relationship we have, we will encounter disagreements and struggles. These are general principles and practical steps that can help us in everyday situations. We will certainly encounter situations which are bigger and harder than we think we can handle. These will help you rely on God’s strength and His power to get through.

The goal should be to help people see Jesus the way you do and that they can find their hope and joy in Him alone too.