Relationship Goals: Friendship

Big changes were happening. I was finishing the 8^th grade and changing schools in the fall. I just showed up at freshman orientation, not knowing anyone in the room and I was nervous being in a new place. When I walked into the meeting room and looked around the room, I happened to make eye contact with this guy who said “hey.” Seemed like an invitation, so I went and sat by him. And that was the beginning to one of closest friendships.

Our friendship was a gift for both of us. We had no idea that day what our friendship would become, but God used that friendship to mold and shape each of us. At first, we goofed around like any freshman would. We would attend sports team meetings together, played freshman basketball together, sat at lunch together, and tried to schedule classes together.

But what became unique and special about our friendship was our mutual love for Jesus Christ. We both wanted to make an impact for Christ with our lives. We started a Bible study at one of our houses that lasted several years. On Tuesdays, we would skip lunch and go pray together. We organized a guys’ Bible study from our class, which led to us forming discipleship lunches where we would meet with Jr High guys once a week.

I thank God for that friendship during my High School years as it had a huge impact on my life. It was a friendship I happened upon and didn’t plan. I didn’t try to figure out what type of friendship it was before I started, it grew organically. But it was a great friendship that honored God and was mutually beneficial, but also a benefit to those around us.

As we continue to talk about Relationships, let’s review:

God created us to be in a relationship with Him, but also with others. He said, “it is not good that man is alone” and so God created the family. So last week we talked about the importance of your relationship with your parents and God’s command to both honor and obey them. As a teenager seeking independence, it can be hard to remember to honor and obey, but pausing to reflect on the goodness of God’s gift of the family and your love for God and your parents will result in honor and obedience.

This week we will talk about the importance of friendships. What is a friend? What does it mean to be a friend?

How many friends do you have?

Depending on who you are will determine how you answered that question. For some of you, you immediately pulled up your Facebook or Instagram and came up with a number. I currently have 993 Facebook friends, but are they all really my friends?

Social media has made us one of the most connected yet isolated people of all time. One writer said this:

We've traded:

• Trust for "Tweets"
• Smiles for "Statuses"
• Love for "Likes"
• Conversations for "Comments"

But we are not talking about Social Media tonight, or friends from Social Media. That’s another discussion for another day.

What is a true friend? I want you to make a list right now of people in your life that you would say are true friends. Save this list for later.

Who’s on that list depends on how you define “friend.” Let’s look at what the Word of God defines friendship as, then we will go back and look at our “friends” and see what type of friend they are.

Wise vs Foolish

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20

Long before the quote “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future,” or “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn), God’s Word instructs us that the people we associate with will have an influence on us.

God, in His infinite wisdom, wants you to know that your friends are a big influence over you, so choose the carefully. Wise friends will help you become more wise, foolish friends will lead you down a path of foolishness. It happens. I know for a fact it’s true because I’ve seen it in my life. I’ve had to make a tough choice and stop associating with friends when they become a distraction to my pursuit of God.

Look at your friends, who are your “wise” friends? Who are your “foolish” friends? By foolish, we are not talking about “goofy” or “funny” but about those who are pursuing foolish things, turning your attention from godly things to earthly things.

Sharpening

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Here Solomon uses the sharpening of metal as an illustration of friendship. He’s talking about accountability, calling us to righteousness. A true friend will call us out when we are wrong and guide us back to the truth. A friend doesn’t make excuses for our sins, or protect our wrong doings, but leads us through and out of them.

My friend in High School would frequently come to me and say something like, “dude, what were you thinking?” or “no dude, just no”! In most cases that was enough. There were other times where he would point me to the Scriptures and help me understand that I was in error.

Through Thick and Thin

 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

A true friend is one who has your back through the good and bad times. Yes, they keep you accountable, but they also compassionately walk through trials in your life. They are the ones who understand you and sometimes interpret for you. They are the ones you want with you when life is upside down, when you’re going through a breakup, when your experiencing loss of a loved one, they are always there.

Not Just Lip Service

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him” 1 John 3:18–19

A true friend is one who demonstrates their friendship. Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words. You shouldn’t have to guess whether someone is your friend or not. A true friend isn’t wavering, but is faithful.

Leads Us To Jesus

For this next point, I want you to remember an encounter Jesus had in Mark 2:1-5, read this text and look at the friendship demonstrated here.

“And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Isn’t that awesome! Jesus was teaching and the house filled up fast. It was so crowded nobody else could come in. This paralyzed guy had four awesome friends who took him up to the roof and began digging in, tearing the roof right off. They lowered him down so he could get to Jesus.

Now that is audacious friends! They were willing to do whatever it took to get their friend to Jesus!

Though we may not be paralyzed, Jesus is the answer to our life’s problems. True friends know that Jesus is the best friend we could ever have. The friends we keep in close contact with need to be friends who will point us to Jesus.

We may not be surrounded by Christian friends who will point us to Jesus all the time. You may feel like you don’t have anyone at School to be this type of friend. God is not asking you to ignore everyone at school. Sure you will develop friendships with unbelievers, but you need to be careful how much influence you allow them in your life.

I had my neighborhood friends, my school friends and my youth group friends. It was great when my friends overlapped these circles, but at times they didn’t. Sometimes I felt alone at school when I was being teased for being a Christian. But I had friends who would support me when I went to church.

The greatest blessing is when I was able to encourage my nonbelieving friends to follow Christ. You see, we not only want to find friends that meet these biblical descriptions, but we want to be a biblical friend to others.

A true friend is a wise and faithful friend, who will call us out and be there for us through the tough times, and most importantly will lead us to Jesus throughout life.