Relationships: Parents

Spring is here…well sort of, anyway. Spring is the season that is burgeoning with potential, with life and new growth. It is also the season I like to do the dating and relationship series in youth group. Each year I like to take a different approach to it and think through it and this year is no exception, although our focus will be broader. This week we will start a new series on Relationships and will look at some of the key relationships that God has given to each of us. First, we will look at how to relate to our parents and family, next week we will look at the importance of friends, and then we will look at what it means to put Christ first in dating relationships.

As we open the book of Genesis and begin to read we see profound truths that speak to our nature and to our daily struggles. We see foundational principles that bring clarity to the confusion of our day and give us a guide to understanding what the abundant life in Christ is all about.

Genesis opens with the truth that God created us in His image, both male and female (Genesis 1:26-27). Don’t miss the profound truths we need to hear in our day. God is the creator, He is the author of life, He is the one who knows our design better then we know it ourselves. He is the one who has the authority to tell us how to live. He is the one who defines our very existence. He has designed us to be male and female.

And God said that, “it is not good that man should be alone…” (Genesis 2:18). Each day God created the world, He would say that the creation was good. In the beginning, before the Fall, all of creation was good. There was only one thing, before sin entered the world, that God said was not good, and that was loneliness.

We all feel alone at times. Have you ever been in a big crowd and felt lonely? Invisible? We all do. Loneliness is common to all humans. One pastor said it this way, “ministry could be defined as helping people feel less alone in this world.” Have you ever wondered why?

God is a relational God. As we move throughout Scripture we see that God is a Trinity, a perfect relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, three distinct persons yet one essence. God defines relationships and He created humankind to be relational.

So, God created Eve for Adam. The first human relationship. From this story, we have the beginnings of human history. God instituted marriage and family in the very beginning. Mankind did not have to evolve into marriage and family, they were created to be in relationship.

Clearly, we see from this story that God gave us marriage and romance as an answer to loneliness. We will discuss this further in session 3 and what principles God’s Word gives us for beginning romances, dating and ultimately marriage. Another implication is the need for friendships and community, which we will discuss in session 2. Implied in the marriage and family is the relationships in the home, parents, children and siblings, this will be the focus of session 1.

Relationships: Parents

The teenage years can be the most difficult years as students try to figure out how to relate to their parents and parents try to understand their children. The difficulties of the adolescent years stem from students trying to be more independent then they are ready to be, and parents trying to hold on to control of their child. This results in a lot of frustrations and misunderstandings. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Our starting point is God, the creator of life, the authority in our lives. The recognition that we live in a broken and fallen world, we are all sinners. As sinners, we have a sin problem and need to look beyond our own understanding to God, the one with all the answers. He is the one who sent His Son, Jesus, into the world to bring healing, hope and redemption.

Jesus said that there is a real enemy who is seeking to destroy us and our joy, but that He has come to give us abundant life (John 10:10). Implied in this is that the enemy wants to destroy our families, but following Christ will lead us to experience family as He designed it to be.

Now we are all on a journey to understanding this, but God has given students clear commands that will help them on this journey.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:1–3)

There are two distinct commands here, to obey and to honor. Each of these commands have implications and application for all of our lives.

What is the difference between obeying and honoring?

Let’s start with honor. To honor “is to give weight or grant a person a position of respect and even authority in one’s life. Honor is an internal attitude of respect, courtesy and reverence, it should be accompanied by appropriate attention or even obedience. Honor without such action is incomplete…” (Hamstra pg 355).  

I like this definition as it points to the heart attitude that leads to an action. Before even getting to obeying parents, it begins with honoring and obeying God, who has gifted you parents to honor and obey.

In order to honor your parents, it is good to remember that they are created by God and that He has given them a position of authority in your life. The Ephesians passage is quoting from the 10 Commandments in Exodus 20. Think about it for a moment, the Top 10 list from God as a summary of the 613 commandments in the Old Testament, includes honoring your parents. It is important to God. So important that to disobey your parents could lead to being put to death.

While Moses was up on the mountain getting the 10 Commandments from God, the people began to party and worship false gods. They began to do dishonorable things. Why is that important to bring up? Because sometimes some parents aren’t very honorable. Does that mean we don’t have to listen to them?

Sometimes honor has to do with position, even when character is lacking. In those cases, as you learn to honor God first by honoring your parent, God may use your action and attitude to bring your wayward parent to Himself. Never under estimate the power of obedience to God.

Let’s face it, sometimes our parents lay down some rules that don’t make sense to us. So how long should you obey your parents? As long as you are under their authority you should obey your parents’ commands, in the Lord. The Scripture includes “in the Lord” because your parents are sinners too. At times, in certain homes, parents command their children to do things that dishonor God. It’s important that we first understand that we honor and obey God above all else, and in obedience to Him we obey our parents.

My parents responded to me once with, “Well as long as you live in our house and under our roof you will obey us.” They had a good point. As long as I am dependent on them, I have to learn to obey, even when I don’t like it.

So, what are responsibilities your parents carry that you don’t right now? It’s a long list, but a few are cell phone bill, car insurance, gas, food, health, wifi bill, electricity bill, house, and more. They provide all these things for you and have the authority to tell you how to use and care for these things.

As an adolescent, you are seeking to become and adult and desire all the freedoms of being an adult, but you also have to be willing and capable of handling all the responsibilities. Your parents shoulder a lot of responsibilities you don’t even understand yet, so don’t give them such a hard time, there is more to their decisions than you know.

Before you know it, you will be an adult and life will look very different. You will be responsible for making your own decisions in life. You may choose to do something different then your parents did, but you should never stop honoring your parents.

We all struggle with honoring and obeying God and our parents because we are all sinners. I know what we talked about tonight may seem like a big task, and it is harder for some than others. But we have a supreme example in Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ was willing to obey His Father for our good. He left heaven, lived a perfect and sinless life, and was willing to die for the sins of the World. His obedience became the greatest advantage that you and I can have in learning to honor and obey God and our parents. Jesus overcame death and sin, and has gifted us with the Holy Spirit that empowers us to obey.

As you focus your attention on who God is, learning to love and honor Him first, you will find that a practical daily step will be learning to honor and obey your parents. In so doing, you will bring joy and honor to God in and through your life and family.