It’s a Barbie World

Week 4 in our “Rebel: counter cultural dating revolution.” Last week we looked at what kind of guy Christian girls should look for and this week we will be looking at what kind of girl our boys need to purse.

In the normal use of the word “rebel” there can be a negative sense associated with it. When someone is rebelling against good and healthy values then that is bad. However, when the cultural norm has gone so far away from biblical values and stands in opposition to what God has for us, then we have no choice but to rebel against culture. Each week we have been identifying some lie the culture has been teaching our teens and then looking at what God’s Word says about it.

This week is no exception. When it comes to the agenda against women our culture propagates, nothing stands out to me more then the sexual objectification of women. In the 1997 hit song, “Barbie Girl,” Aqua satirically critiques the cultural message that is even more prevalent today:

“I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"”

Aqua describes a fantasy land where girls live fake plastic lives and will get real love. Yet in truth they get a guy who uses them, objectifies them and will leave them empty.

From Barbie Dolls, to Bratz, TV shows, movies, magazines and advertisements our children are bombarded daily with messages about women that are devastatingly unhealthy. The creators of the Barbie Doll say the doll is “not about sexual objectification but about empowering women.” I ask, how do you empower women by creating a standard in which no woman can achieve? With the announcement of the Live Action Barbie Movie coming out, great concerns on how they are going to cast Barbie have arisen (see http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865601793/Controversial-Barbie-to-star-in-new-live-action-comedy.html).  The scale model of a life size Barbie raises these concerns:

"Considering that Barbie, if she were human-sized, would have no room for a whole liver in her petite 16-inch waist — and would be so frail that she’d be unable to walk or lift her head — it’s likely Sony will be taking some creative liberties with the doll when it comes to casting her," Sonia Saraiya wrote for A.V. Club.

Culture is telling our girls that their value is found in their body. Their sexual appeal is their power. It teaches our girls that they need to strive for an airbrushed, fake, manufactured look to “win” a man’s heart. As Aqua states, the end goal is to have a guy say “I’m always yours”…yeah right!

Stop Believing the Lie

Guys I want to challenge you to stop buying the lies. The girls you see on TV and in magazines aren’t real. They are airbrushed and fake. They are propaganda to get you to cater to sinful desires and destroy relationships. They are tearing your sisters down and preventing a healthy understanding of life the way God intended.

Guys hear me that girls are not objects. They are not made to meet your every imagination and cater to your base desires. They are not made of plastic and they cannot attain ridiculous physical attributes. Guys girls are more then a body, they are real persons created in God’s image. You need to look for a girl who understands this. You goal guys, is not to selfishly look for someone to serve you but a girl whom you are willing to serve with your whole life.

So here is a list of qualities I want to challenge you guys to look for in a girl and girls I challenge you to seek to develop in your own life.

1.     She must be a Christian 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Last week we spent plenty of time on this point. I’d encourage you to go back to the last post and reread points one and two because they apply here to. However, there are two points to this that I didn’t spend enough time on last week. What do I mean by saying, “must be a Christian,” and the need for continued spiritual growth or soul care.

a.     What is a Christian?

This is an excellent question and one I pray you carefully consider. Paul challenges us to examine ourselves to be sure that we are in the faith. We should not consider this lightly, but understand that eternity literally is at stake. It is not enough to be born into a Christian home, or to attend a Christian church. It’s not enough to go to church on Christmas and Easter or to be born in America. It’s not a general belief in the existence of a god or a greater force. After all, as one person stated, being in a garage doesn’t make you a car.

The reason we walk through Life in 6 Words (www.lifein6words.com) each week is to present the fundamental message of the Scriptures and to help you understand what it means to be a true believer. A true Christian is one who understands that there is a Creator God who made us to be in a relationship with Him. However we are sinners by nature, dead in our trespasses and sins and separated from the God who made us because He is holy and cannot look upon sin with pleasure. As sinners we deserve death and eternal separation from God. There is nothing you can do to overcome this separation or pay off this huge debt. We are in need of a hero. God loved us so much, that even when we were sinning and rebelling against Him, He showed His great love for us and sent His Son, Jesus Christ to take our place. Jesus paid the price for sin on the cross by shedding His blood, being buried and rose again the third day. He offers us a free gift of salvation, forgiveness and a reconciled relationship to God if we trust in His finished work alone. Trusting Him alone means surrendering your life to Him and following Him, imitating Him and seeking to honor Him with your life. He promises that in following Him we will have abundant life that starts now and lasts forever, giving us hope for the after life.

b.    Soul Care

When Jesus saved you, He didn’t save you to isolation but to a community of believers called the church. It is so necessary that a Christian commits to a local church for spiritual growth and care. Jesus calls the Church His bride and He thinks very highly of her. He is constantly preparing His wife for the day He returns. It is in fellowship with other believers that Christ is preparing you for this life and His return.

Also, a true Christian has a desire to spend time with God in prayer and His Word. She should be growing in her knowledge, understanding and love for Jesus. Personal soul care is the only way she will stay firm on the foundation of Christ. As I say for myself as a pastor, I only have something to offer others when I stay in close fellowship with Jesus.

2.     Godliness is true beauty – Proverbs 31:30

Our culture is not the first to over emphasize physical beauty. In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel’s mom gives him wise advice. Don’t get caught up in the physical beauty and deceitful charm of the day, instead look for a woman who loves and fears God first. Proverbs 31 is an intimidating chapter for any woman, and certainly a bit overwhelming for a teenage girl. Yet verse 30 is the key to the whole chapter. I’m very fond of the phrase “Love Jesus with all your heart and He will work out the rest.” It may seem a little overly simple, but when you understand that love for Jesus produces godliness you will see how it all fits together. Jesus said in John 14, “if you love me you will keep my commandments.” That’s a promise not a condemnation.

3.     Prioritizes inner beauty 1 Peter 3:3-4

In the 1950’s a general reading of young girls journal entries produced a general desire to improve inward beauty and good works. The young ladies at that time sought to be women of inward character and outward service. Journal entries from today lean heavily to the constant improvement of a girls looks, dress, make up and accessories.

Peter challenged wives to not follow the cultural pattern of focus on the superficial outward beauty but on inward beauty that is precious to God. Her aim is not the approval of men but of God. This isn’t saying to not take care of your outward person, but not to allow that to be your obsession.

4.     Followership

Guys you need to seek a girl who knows how to follow. One who isn’t following the crowd, but following in the footsteps of faith and godly women (Titus 2:3-5), who have set an example. This doesn’t mean you are looking for a girl that isn’t as smart as you (good luck with that one haha), or that you are more spiritually mature then.

You are still growing spiritually and are looking for someone who is going to encourage your spiritual growth, however, if we are honest with ourselves guys, we can be cowards. We can sit back an allow someone else to do the work. Well that doesn’t cut it. You want a girl who will allow you to lead, gives you space to lead and encourages that leadership. This type of attitude takes on two different forms:

a.     Submissiveness - Ephesians 5: 22-24

A note to the girls, you are not called to submit to all men, but to your husband. You are not considered inferior to men or to your husband, but God has established an order of responsibility. This is the same idea behind God the Son submitting to God the Father to purchase your salvation. We see that because of Christ’s submission to the Father, the Father has exulted Christ to the highest place (Philippians 2:5-11).

Guys you want a girl who respects you and follows you. She has to trust you and encourage you to take the lead. You need to be able to talk through issues with her and listen to her. Yet God will hold you responsible for the relationship. Will she allow you to take the lead?

b.     Teachable Epheisans 5:25-27

A teachable spirit is hard to come by these days. Guys you need to find a girl who will allow you to encourage her in the Word of God. Your job as a spiritual leader is to help her become more like Christ. This means you have to study and know the Scriptures and have something worth telling her. She may be smarter and more knowledgeable then you, but a teachable spirit means she will listen and apply what you say because she can trust your heart.

5.     Content not desperate, desperate is ugly 1 Timothy 6:6 “But godliness with contentment is great gain”

This last point really can go without saying, assuming she is pursuing the first four points. However, contentment is a huge sign of a girls (or a guys) dependence on Christ. Paul tells Timothy that, “godliness with contentment is great gain.” I understand the context of 1 Timothy 6 to be on material wealth, but I think there is a huge principle that applies here. Contentment in our relational status is a demonstration of the Kingship of Jesus in our hearts. When she is obsessed with and desperate for a relationship she is in great danger of making you a god in her life.

Desperation is ugly and unattractive. Why does she want the relationship? Is she seeking to glorify god or worship you? Is she seeking to be less lonely? You will only make it worse. She will not find contentment in you because you will let her down, you will fail her and she will be more desperate then ever. Look for a girl who trusts Jesus with her future and is content in Christ.

Now contentment does not mean you are frozen and hard hearted. It does not mean you are closed to relationships or that you cannot desire a relationship. It means that you know that God is in control and that the relationships He gives you is for His glory and not your own selfish desires. It means that no girl or guy will come between you and Jesus. It means that Jesus is enough no matter what.

There are certainly many more things we could talk about, but guys a girl who loves Jesus and is actively seeking to grow closer to Him will be the best girl for you. Don’t settle for what this world calls beauty, for that is only skin deep. Look for a girl who knows she is a daughter of the one true King and you will find a girl who will help you to be the best man you can be for Jesus.

Guys don’t just jump into relationships because of outward appearance, but be watchful. Give her time to demonstrate the inner beauty that God is working in her. You will find this type of girl is far more rewarding then the lies this world has to offer.

Girls seek to be this woman. Love Jesus with all your heart and as you grow closer to Him you will see Proverbs 31 played out in your life. Don’t be discouraged by that list right now, but seek to develop it over a lifetime. Don’t listen to the message of this world, you are so much more then a body, you are a child of God, a princess of the one true King. Live in the confidence that God loves you and has made you.