It’s All About Me

Over the next couple of weeks we will be looking at what the “world” says about dating and relationships and compare them to God’s Word. As we begin to understand what God wants from us we will rebel against culture, rebel against the enemy of our soul and learn to revolutionize our views of dating (Romans 12:2).

What do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? What characteristics stand out? What are your desires? We all have a list, whether it is written out or just mental. Maybe it’s a type of person you are attracted to, or maybe it’s an ideal like “one true soul mate.” If you were to boil all this down into one descriptive phrase, what would it be?

If we are honest with ourselves it probably is best summarized with “it is all about me!” Do you agree? Think about it, if you’re thinking of physical features, i.e. he has to be at least this tall; she has to have this color of hair; he can’t be too fat; and…you get the picture, why are the physical features so important? Because you want someone who pleases you.

If it’s education or career choices, it’s because you want someone to take care of you or make you feel secure. If it’s family choices, it’s because you want someone who has similar values to what you have. If you are a Christian, you should want someone who is a Christian, but do you want this for the right reasons? Is it, she must be a Christian so we agree on values? Or is it, he must be a Christian because I want to be obedient to God?

The truth is we are selfish people who think we are gods of our lives. We may give lip service to God, but we live our lives like Emperor Kuzco.

You already are selfish, but on top of that we have a world system around us that wants to keep you distracted in self-worship. Think of the most popular slogans: “Just Do It,” “Obey your Thirst,” or “Your way right away.” Or philosophies such as “if it feels good do it,” or “it’s ok if it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

Why do you think pornography, romance novels and romantic movies are so popular? They create a make believe environment where all your fantasies are being met. A make believe world where your “it’s all about me” desires can be “fulfilled,” and yet leave us more empty then ever. Our selfish pursuits only highlight how alone we are in this world.

We need to rebel against these natural desires. We need to lead a revolt against the world system. We need to be a part of a revolution against the enemy of our souls. We become rebels when we follow Christ, the narrow path that leads to life.

We have only just begun our dating series and now are in the middle of Passion Week. I see it only fitting that this week we see how the Passion of Christ impacts our daily lives, even our dating relationships and future marriages.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

There are three things I want to focus on this week as we consider the life and death of Christ and our dating decisions. Those who are in Christ, have chosen to follow Christ are:

1.     Bought with a costly price

In order to understand this first point we need to remember that we are sinners. We have violated God’s laws and stand condemned before an almighty, just and holy God. The Bible describes us as captives to the slave market of sin, dead in our trespasses and destined to eternal damnation.

God gave the 10 Commandments to reveal to us, not how we can earn God’s favor, but our utter need for help. If left to ourselves, we can only pay for our transgressions by spending an eternity in Hell. That is the bad news. We owe a price we cannot pay and we do not want to pay.

Yet the Good News of Jesus Christ is that He paid for us. He offers us the “free gift of salvation” based on a very steep price He had to pay. We often miss some of the significance as we jump straight to the “God loves you and died for you” versions of the Gospel message. Yes they are true, but we need to slow down and realize what God endured for us.

The Father was willing to send His only begotten Son to this world, to take on flesh and live a human life. Jesus had to face every difficulty in life as we do. He went through the growing pains of life. He had to take naps, do chores, go to school, work, eat, sleep, and all the other mundane details of life. He had friendships. He experienced losing someone close to Him. He understands the daily frustrations of life, yet He never once sinned.

The realization of His innocence makes His death all the more offensive. The perfect and innocent Son of God should not have been hung from a tree. He should not have had to suffer and die. Yet He chose to for you and me. Mel Gibson’s The Passion of The Christ is the closest movie depiction of the graphic nature of the tortured death of our Savior, and yet it falls short of the reality. How can you capture on film the brutality of the scene, the utter aloneness our Savior endured on that cross for us. The sins of the world and the outpouring of the wrath of God were upon His shoulders so that we might find life.

The free gift of salvation is offered to you and me because Jesus paid a very costly life for you.

2.     No longer our own

Quiz yourself for a moment. Who do you want to date? When would you like to get married? What do you want to do with your life? What job do you want to have? How many kids do you want to have? Where do you want to live?

You cannot be a follower of Jesus and still think you are in the drivers seat. To be a follower of Christ means you die to yourself daily, take up your cross and follow Him. Your life begins to look like Jesus (Galatians 2:20).

Yet the “It’s All About Me” mentality creeps into our heart constantly. You need to know that you do not belong to yourself anymore. The choice you make need to be run by your Savior first.

In the questions above, we need to learn to say, “What does Jesus want?” first. Before I can answer these questions, I need to seek the will of God. It’s not about whom do I want to marry, but about whom does God want me to marry. What job does Jesus want me to do? The choice is not yours but the one who paid the great price for you.

3.     To glorify God

Fortunately God has not left us on our own to figure these things out. He teaches us in His Word what it means to glorify Him. We glorify God by enjoying His presence through love and obedience. The commands of God are not simply a list of does or don’ts, but God telling us how we relate to Him better.

Think of it this way, if your special someone gave you a list of things that irritate them like crazy and a list of things that they just loved, wouldn’t that be great? Like I hate it when you chew with your mouth open, but I feel really special when you bring me flowers. That gives you really clear relational guidelines, without the guesswork. God has done this for us in His Word.

When we begin to live our lives like Jesus, then we begin to understand what life was intended to be like. Jesus didn’t come to be served, but to serve others (Matthew 20:28). When it comes to our dating relationships, it’s not all about you, it’s about Jesus and serving the one you are pursuing.

Learning to be selfless in our lives and serving one another lays the foundation for meaningful relationships. I was talking to a man whom I deeply respect, whose marriage is one that I would hope to emulate one day, and asked him if there was one thing he would do differently what would it be. His response was, “I would give more of myself.” He was saying he would serve her more! From my observations, he is one of the most selfless and serving husbands I have ever seen! That is awesome and that glorifies God.

You don’t just wake up and glorify God. You have to choose daily to submit yourself to the King of kings, ask for His help and seek to do His will. Anything in life worth having takes hard work. Are you willing to work at a life that brings glory to God?

We live in a “me first,” “it’s all about me” society. Living in a way that puts Jesus and others before ourselves will stand in stark contrast to our society. When we seek to glorify God in our relational choices we will really stand out to the world around us. We might even be made fun of or ridiculed because we are not going with the flow. Yet as followers of Christ, we are rebelling against this world and following a higher calling.