Split Session

This week in our dating series we are splitting up the girls and the guys. The lady leaders will be speaking specifically to the challenges and needs of the girls and the guys will be making grunting noises and punching each other…I mean the guy leaders will be challenging the guys.

The Girls: a note from Kristin Keiper about the girls lesson.

In The Bible God promises that if we love him more than everything else, he will fill us and fulfill us. Our lives won't be perfect but the will have purpose. That purpose is to glorify God by loving and serving others. 

We love God by loving the people He created. In every relationship, our nature, and the world we live in, tells us to do what is best for US, to take care of ourselves FIRST. God’s plan is that we purposefully put others first in every situation, and love them with the love described in 1 Corinthians 13. 

In every kind of relationship, this love looks different, but it is never self-focused. True love always puts the needs of others first. As girls we especially need to remember to love the men around us by having our hearts focused on being the women God created us to be. When we focus our attention on ourselves and fulfilling the desires we have for attention and love by reckless flirting or provocative clothing, we are not loving God or the people He created. When we become overwhelmed by our desires for relationships and believe that we are incomplete without a romantic relationship, we are not trusting in God or his perfect plan. We can do all things through Christ, and yet without His love in us, everything else we pursue is empty and worthless. 

The Guys

It’s a rare opportunity that I have all the guys together to be able to talk to them and teach them on guy issues. Where to start, you might ask? It’s a good question. Sometimes we need to talk about the basics, like what is a bar of soap and deodorant used for. Other times we talk about sports. But this week with these guys we are going to talk about Biblical manhood, building off of our lesson from a couple of weeks ago. How does the Gospel shape a man’s life?

Implicitly, the Gospel must be understood and received for a young man to be a godly man. He cannot live a Gospel centered life if he has not chosen to follow Jesus. Once he trusts Jesus with his life, everything changes, or should change (2 Corinthians 5:17). However, just because a young man is a Christ follower, doesn’t mean his life is easy and that temptations fall away.

If we consider a man appointed at birth to serve God, and yet temptations plagued him his entire life. A man that could have been a great godly leader is reduced into an anecdote that God can use the most despicable characters for His glory.

Consider Samson (Judges 14-16)

You may not like me calling a beloved Sunday School character a despicable man, but that is because we often soften the real stories for our Sunday School classrooms. We make the obliteration of almost the entire human race and world to be a cute mural on the nursery walls. We talk about the virtuous queen who saved her people from destruction, but forget the pagan “pageant” she had to win for her position. The point is, we like to remove the sin from the story so that we can honor the character. But what if we are missing the point. The story is not meant to glorify the character, but to glorify the God of the character. We see God's grace shine brightly when He still loves the sinful characters.

Samson was a man. He was a man of considerable physical strength, but of very low morals. Though he grew up in a believing home and had opportunity to be a very righteous man, he failed time and again because of low morals. Samson was called from birth to deliver the people of Israel from the oppression of the Philistines, which he did. However, he missed out on the opportunity to also lead his people into a closer walk with their God.

After the story of his miraculous birth, the first verse we read is about Samson wanting a woman that God’s Law forbade him to have (Judges 14:1-4). He disregards the counsel of his parents and demands his way. Which only led to a broken marriage and more problems for him.

After this failed relationship, we see Samson taking refuge with a prostitute in Gaza (Judges 16:1). And before the dust settles on the city gates, we see Samson shacking up with Delilah (Judges 16:4-5). Here we see Samson’s lustful desires for Philistine women to cloud all sensibilities. On several occasion she tries to find out Samson’s secret. When he lies about it, she tests him. Why he didn’t realize she was setting him up is beyond me, but he ultimately reveals the truth. She betrays him (Judges 16:20-21).

Ultimately, his desire for the forbidden women led to his death and destruction. However there is a ray of hope in verse 22, “the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.” Just because Samson had disobeyed God several times does not mean that God had given up on him. Even in his destruction, God used this sinful man to deliver the people of Israel.

Today’s Struggles

Our boys are growing up in an over sexualized, materialistic society. Sociologists say that boys are not leaving adolescence until their late 20’s. Adolescence is the desire for the privileges of adulthood without the responsibilities. 

As Samson struggled with his desire for women that led to his destruction, our boys are plagued with sexual temptation. When I was a teen, access to pornographic material was rare amongst my friends. It had to be purchased at the local store and the embarrassment factor of facing a real human kept most boys away. So most of my friends had never even seen it.

Today, pornography is a click away. My assumption is that every teen boy has seen pornography. If they have a computer, iPod, iPad, or smartphone of some sort, then there is a good chance they have already seen porn. It’s not even that they have had to go looking for it, because porn is looking for them. The hope is that they are not seeking it out, and that they are not involved in sexting (sending explicit sexual pictures or conversations over text message). But if they have, are they fighting it and seeking help?

Pornography is a trap that is destroying relationships, marriages and lives. It presents the lie that “nobody is getting hurt,” yet everyone touched by it is being hurt. It causes further objectification and dehumanization of females. It creates unrealistic expectations that can never be fulfilled. And with it’s private accessibility today, boys are able to view it without ever having to talk to a live human about it. It doesn't just stay casual, but begins to become an addiction. Some have likened it to a heroin addiction. 

Just like Samson, the lust for the forbidden woman becomes their downfall and will lead to destruction. The truth of the Gospel is, God hasn’t given up on our boys and will forgive and restore them. We need to be honest about the prevalence of this sin. We need to encourage our boys to fight against the culture and to make a covenant with their eyes not to lust (Job 31:1). Our guys need to know they are not alone in the fight and there is victory (1 Corinthians 10:13).

God’s desire is to give them abundant life, but that is only found in a life of obedience. Only in honoring God today, can we be confident of a fulfilled life tomorrow. Training our boys to become men who guard their hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and avoid the wayward woman (Proverbs 7). Hold on to the promise found in Psalm 37:4:

"Delight in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."