Man’s Gotta Have Swag

Week 3 in our “Rebel: Counter Cultural Dating Revolution.” In this installment we will be looking at what kind of guy a Christian girl should be looking for. Next week we will be looking at what kind of girl a Christian guy should pursue.

If you were to take a quick listen to the Top 40 music hits this week, you may be surprised at the message today’s lyrics are encouraging our boys to be like. One early philosopher stated that the lyrics of the day impact the direction of society. I believe that is very true. Our current “Rebel” series is looking at what culture says about dating and relationships and how God’s Word reveals a new direction. We are looking at raising up a generation that will go against the flow and stand for God’s way.

Today’s lyrics are encouraging men to be…well, dogs. Aloe Blacc in his trending hit “The Man,” presents masculinity as arrogant, prideful, selfish and sets himself up as a god in his woman’s life. Tiesto’s “Red Lights” shows that a man is willing to be a rebel for his woman. Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty,” yep you guessed it, is all about sex, but not just with his girl, but all her friends as well. And then there is Bruno Mars’ “Locked out of Heaven,” who describes sex with his girl as paradise and not being with her means he is locked out of heaven. Imagine Dragon’s “Demons” shows a man being “saved” by his girl. Just to name a few.

We haven’t even begun to look at the TV and movie messages. However, it continues to promote a very similar message summarized by the lyrics of The Chainsmokers hit song #selfie, “When Jason was at the table I kept on seeing him look at me while he was with that other girl. Do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous? Because he was totally texting me all night last night and I don't know if it's a booty call or not.” The clear message from our society is that a man with swag, is a cool, popular player. This image is so important that girls overlook unfaithfulness, flirtatious and loose living just to be with him.

I want to borrow from a youth pastor friend of mine, Craig Fullerton, he said that “Today girls want a bad boy who will be good just for her and guys want a good girl who will be bad just for him.” I think in my perusal of today’s hit songs, this message was pretty consistent. Our culture today is not producing real men, it is producing boys with “swag.” I’d like to define “swag” not as it is perceived today as a cool guy, but for what it really is: a bunch of godless, lazy, video game playing, irresponsible slobs, who are obsessed with sex and have no goals or ambition for life.

When you look at society and you see that nearly 50% of marriages are ending in divorce and so many homes without a dad it is clear that our culture does not promote true masculinity. Dating today is casual, superficial and boys are bailing at the first sight of trouble. They get what the want and leave. Sex is a casual act developing an attitude that it is “just sex” and not that a sacred, beautiful act of loving commitment the way God designed it to be. No understanding of commitment, of covenant love, or of faithfulness can be gained from this world. It is a world that promotes selfish, destructive behaviors that keeps us from understanding the true life we can have in Christ.

Tonight I will beg and plead with the girls in our youth group to set high standards for the man the will one day pursue. I want to challenge the guys to really set their focus on these characteristics before pursuing a girl. For some it may mean ending a current relationship. For some it may be waiting a long, long time before they find someone who will meet the biblical principles we will talk about. Others may find the only answer is Jesus alone and pursue a life of godly singleness. In truth, pursuing Gospel Living is costly and dangerous, but it is always worth it.

What then must he be? Below I will present a list of qualities I believe the Bible lays out for us men to live in. These are principles I live by and I teach regularly. These are not just suggestions, but directives from God for men.

1.     He must be a Christian. In Matthew 22:37 Jesus says His followers must “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might.” Jesus needs to be the clear focus of his life. Only a man who has surrendered his life to God and is walking with Him will pursue a relationship that honors God.

2.     He MUST be a Christian. Yes, I meant to type it twice and the exaggeration was intended. Paul exhorts strongly in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, that believers should not be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers. This is huge. God’s Word doesn’t just make a quick statement here, but He illustrates very clearly by asking 5 questions:

a.     What partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?

b.     What fellowship has light with darkness?

c.      What accord ahs Christ with Belial (Satan)?

d.     What portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

e.     What agreement has the temple of God with idols?

His argument shows that, in Christ, we are the Temple of the living God! When we compromise and disobey we are worshiping something over God, making the unbeliever god of our life. We are committing idolatry when we do it our way.

There are no exceptions to this command. You are not special or ultra holy. Only God can save, but an unbeliever can destroy you and your faith. God is jealous for you and does not want you distracted in life.

These first two are very important, for without these he cannot become what follows. As Christians we are to become imitators of Christ. Jesus Christ is our Prophet, Priest and King. Men of God are to learn to develop these qualities for their current and future relationships.

3.     He must be a Spiritual Leader. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 and Ephesians 5:25-27 call the man to one day lead his wife and children in God’s Word.

a.     He leads by being the priest of his relationship. A priest represents others to God, prays for them and serves them. A man of God begins to pray for his wife before he even meets her. He develops a pattern of praying for others and being a representative of them before God.

b.     He leads by being a prophet in his relationship. A prophet represents God to others by instructing others in the Word of God. This means he has to be in the Word of God, learning from the Word and being challenged by the Word. Sometimes he will be a gentle, encouraging voice. However, a loving prophet will at times firmly call out sin.

c.      He leads by being committed to and attending a local church (Hebrews 10:24-25). A spiritual leader must first learn to follow. Followership is vital. He must be accountable to spiritual leadership in his life. He must develop healthy ministries. Look for a man who is serving others in ministry.

4.     He must be a provider 1 Timothy 5:8; Colossians 3:23

a.     He needs to have a job. Girls you need to look for a guy who has a job. If he doesn’t have a job, he’s either not old enough to date anyway, or he is lazy.

b.     He has to have a work ethic. It’s not about the amount of money he makes it’s about a work ethic. Is he willing to do what it takes to provide for his future wife and kids.

c.      Is he willing to pay for you on a date? Girls it’s ok to let him pay for you. It shows his generous nature, his desire to provide for you.

d.     He needs to have a plan. Proverbs 29:18 says that without vision the people perish. Does he have reasonable, attainable goals.

5.     He must be a protector 1 Peter 3:7; Song of Solomon 3:5

a.     He protects her by pursuing personal holiness and obedience to Christ. A man who is in obedience to Christ will not ask girl to compromise her morals.

b.     He creates a safe environment physically, emotionally and spiritually.

c.      He doesn’t ask her to cross physical boundaries but he sets safe ones.

d.     He listens to her and guards what she says. He is trust worthy and he is safe to share with.

e.     He never uses God to manipulate her, but encourages her with the word of God. He provides a safe place for her to work through spiritual questions free of judgment.

These are the Top 5 characteristics that I feel lead to a healthy man who is pursuing healthy relationships because he is exemplifying Christ. Girls look for these qualities developing. He may not be “there” yet, but is he pursuing this? Guys seek these out and develop them in your life. Look for men in your life who are living this out and follow their lead. Look to Jesus Christ continually and learn from Him.

Girls be very watchful and patient. If and when you date, date in the Lord. That means seek to glorify God in your decisions. Notice how the Bible doesn’t list physical descriptions such as, how tall, thin, strong, etc. It doesn’t prescribe styles of dress. You may not be saying “my man’s got swag,” but a much higher and greater boast is “my man has Jesus!”