DATE WORTHY - EPH. 4

As we conclude our dating series tonight in Ephesians chapter 4, I think it is important to look back briefly at what Paul says about the LORD’s work in our lives that is the grounds for our new way of living, specifically in what we are going to be talking about in dating worthy. Ephesians 1-3 unpacks the Gospel and the abundant grace God has poured out on those who believe. In summary, let’s read Ephesians 2:1–5

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved”

We were dead and walking according to the sinful world that we lived in. We were hopelessly lost in our disobedience and doing whatever our desires dictated. We were children of wrath deserving eternal separation from God. BUT God moved toward us, he did for us what we could not do, and provided salvation through Jesus Christ. We were dead, he made us alive with Christ, through his grace. This is the basis of our calling and we need to understand it in order to allow it to affect our walk generally and our dating specifically. 

1. Understand Your Calling – Eph. 4:1

As a believer, you were once spiritually dead and God has called you to life. What does a dead person do? Nothing. You could do nothing for yourself, but God did it for you. Paul’s understanding of the gospel leads him to call himself a prisoner.

a. Prisoner

What is a prisoner? Someone who is captive or hostage. Notice he says a prisoner “for” and not a prisoner “of” as God is not detaining us or holding us against our will. Rather, Paul felt so compelled by the grace of God to totally surrender his life to the cause of Christ. This is the pattern we should seek to emulate, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “when Christ calls a man, he bids him to die.”

b. Calling

The calling we have been called to is to be followers of Christ and, therefore, children of God. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God has called us unto good works. His calling brings salvation and purpose. He has plan, our job is to walk in step with him as he reveals it. 

c. Walk

Walk is a word used to describe our manner of life, our behavior, and our actions. The game of follow the leader best pictures the concept here, keep your eyes on the leader, go where he goes, and do what he does. Paul implores us to live in such a way that it is clear that we are Christians and our lifestyle points people to Jesus. One area of life that we are focusing on is Dating. As a Christian, date in a manner worthy of being a prisoner for Jesus Christ, date in a way that is worthy of bearing the name of Jesus. 

2. Utilize God’s Gifts– Eph. 4:11-15

One way we can Date worthy and walk worthy is to utilize the gifts that God has given for our benefit. God has not left us alone in the pursuit of living worthy lives. He has given us gifts to equip us and guide us into a mature walk that will grow and build in love. First lets consider the gifts of Christian leaders:

a. Apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds, and teachers

In our context, God has given you pastors, youth leaders, and Christian friends to be godly influences in your life. As you are entering into thoughts about dating or dating relationships, turn to these people in your lives and allow them to speak truth and encouragement into your life. God has also given you parents who love you and care for you. 

b. Equipping

If you were going to go on a hiking trip, what would you need? Shaq could readily tell you all the equipment you need for the hike: boots, backpack, water bottle, hiking sticks, a compass, and more. You would want to be equipped before you departed. Why, then, do we jump into dating relationships without properly being equipped or talking to our Christian leaders about how to be equipped for dating and marriage? You can identify whether a Christian is a gift from God or a distraction based on if they equip you according to God’s Word. 

c. Mature in your walk with Jesus = mature in your approach to dating

A Christian leader who is a gift should help you develop a mature walk with Christ that will influence how you approach dating and romance. As babies, we all struggled to crawl and walk. We tumbled and bounced around, but eventually started getting the hang of it. All along the way, we had parents, aunts, uncles, and siblings helping us navigate through the awkward phases. God’s gifts are giving to help you navigate through the awkward phases and learn a mature stride that will cause you to grow and build a loving relationship. 

3. Avoid Worldly Distractions – Eph. 4:17-19

Paul gets real direct, don’t walk the way unbelievers do. Don’t walk down that road. Do not follow their pattern (Rom. 12:2).

a. Don’t follow their pattern

Look around at the pattern of the world when it comes to dating. Some of your friends, classmates, or team members are following the world’s destructive paths. You see them at the lockers or at the school dances behaving in immature and even forbidden ways. Media, movies, and social media are constantly bombarding you with ideas and images about dating, romance, love, and marriage. Why would you want to follow the worlds’ pattern?

b. Futility of mind and hardness of hearts

The world follows their path because their mines are futile, they are ignorant of God’s truth, God’s design, and God’s plan. They sin because their hearts are hardened to the truth. The suppress the knowledge of God because they do not want accountability. That is what sin does, it hardens our hearts and pollutes our minds. They pursue sensual and impure things. Again I ask, why would you want to follow the worlds’ pattern? Because it seems to be attractive, fun, and carefree. But they only show one side of the story. They do not talk about the emptiness sexual activity creates with the lack of a commitment. They don’t reveal the sorrow, the searching, the pursuit of validation that never ends. They do not have the comfort, meaning, and purpose that Christ gives to believers. 

4. Follow the Way of Christ – Eph. 4:20-32

So don’t follow their way, follow Christ. 

a. Are you a Christian? 

I’m not asking if you attend church or grew up in a Christian home. Are you a follower of Jesus, one who has surrendered to Christ and received forgiveness of sin. If you are truly a Christian, you are not your own but now belong to the LORD and should live accordingly. We do this by learning to putt off the old and putt on the new.

b. Put off the Old – Don’t give opportunity to the Devil

In dating, putting off the old is to stop following the sinful patterns of the world. We are instructed to not give the devil any opportunities in our lives. This means not looking at pornography, reading pornographic materials, and not engaging in any activity that will lead you astray. This means not going on dates or going to locations that will cause you to desire sin. Instead, put on the new…

c. Put on the New – righteousness and holiness

The new self, just like putting on new clothes, is clean and wholesome. Righteousness, doing the right thing, should become the normal activity of a follower of Christ. Pursuing holiness, being like Jesus, is a result of walking with Jesus. If you look at porn, stop looking at it and instead put on the new by looking at and filling your mind with godly things. If you are reading things that are causing you to think sexually, stop it and read the Bible or good Christian books that will help your thought life. If you are watching inappropriate TV shows or movies, stop and switch to watch RightNowMedia or other sources that will help you grow in your faith. 

d. Fight Fair, Conflict and Communication – Eph. 4:31-32

Lastly, dating in a worthy manner is to learn to communicate effectively and navigate conflict in an appropriate way. Do not allow anger and wrath to lead you to a life of bitterness. Learn to forgive, learn to communicate and learn to be kind even in conflict. 

So much more could be said, but the idea is there: walk with Jesus and date worthy. When you fix your eyes on Jesus, follow him, and allow him to influence your dating life, you will not regret it. He designed you and has plans for you. Follow him, walk with him daily, and practice his principals in your dating relationships.