Relationship Goals: Dating

It’s been said, “if you aim at nothing and you will hit it every time.” If you have no goal, no purpose, no direction you will have no measurements, no motivation and often times you will miss out on what you want. Sometimes we have thoughts about what we would like to do, but we don’t really plan for it or set a goal for it.

Setting goals, personal benchmarks that we would like to reach, is super helpful in all areas of life. Goals are thought through and predetermined before endeavoring on an adventure.

Tonight, we are going to discuss Goals for Dating and Relationships. It is best to determine these goals before you ever enter into a relationship, but it is never too late to stop, think and plan for a Godly goal. 

It’s always a good start to ask your parents what their rules for dating are. Remember what we talked about a couple of weeks ago, God has placed your parents in your life for your good, so honor and obey them.

As believers, we have the best resource available to help us with our goals: the Word of God.

So, I am going to give you a few Bible verses to read and then I want you to answer two questions. “What?” What is the Word of God telling you to do? Often times it is clearly spelled out. We may not like it immediately, but God is clear in what He desires from us.

Secondly, “Why?” Why does the Word of God give us this command? God is so good to give us reasons behind these commands. It is helpful to remember that God is the Author and Giver of life, and since He created us, He knows what is best for our ultimate good, our greatest joy and for His glory.

Ephesians 5:1-2

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. ² And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

What? – Imitate God out of love, walk in love.

Why? – Jesus loved us and gave himself for us.

This goal may not seem to be specifically related to dating, but it should be the goal of every aspect of our lives if we are believers in Jesus. This goal implies you have a knowledge of Jesus Christ and the Word of God. You need to know what God has done and is doing if you are going to imitate Him. You need to understand how much God loves you and why Jesus was willing to die for you. When you fix your eyes on Jesus, He shapes the way you will encounter dating and later your marriage.

Goal #1: Imitate Jesus in our lives and relationships

The next passage is:

2 Corinthians 6:14-16

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?¹⁵ What accord has Christ with Belial?^[a] Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

What? – Don’t date/marry unbelievers.

Why? – Believers and unbelievers have different priorities, morals, goals, ambitions. Believers are to put Christ first because He is our God and is with us.

If you have trusted Jesus Christ as the risen Son of God, then you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). That means you have been made spiritually alive to the things of God. Unbelievers, though they may be nice and good looking, do not concern themselves with the things of God. Your relationship with Jesus needs to be the priority. You need to only date people who will help you grow closer to Jesus.

It is also important to recognize that just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn’t mean they are truly a Christ follower. You need to observe their manner of life before you enter into a relationship with them.

Goal #2: Date/marry a believer, someone who will bring you closer to Christ

Exodus 20:4-6

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing steadfast love to thousands^[a] of those who love me and keep my commandments.

What? – Don’t make an idol out of any relationship.

Why? – God is a just God who will punish sin. He is a loving God who will bless the obedient.

Don’t put someone (or anything) before God. This could be the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be making pleasure your idol. It could be a specific person. When someone or something begins to take the place of God in your life, it is an idol.

The best thing you could do for your boyfriend/girlfriend is to love Jesus first. When you put your love and desire for Jesus first, you will love and respect others immeasurably more than if you place them above Jesus. When Jesus is first, He works in and through you for the good of others.

There is a promise in the commandment. If you pursue idols, there will be consequences. However, when you are obedient, God promises blessings.

Goal #3: Keep God first, don’t make an idol out of any relationship

Hebrews 13:4

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

What? – Honor marriage, pursue purity.

Why? – God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

When it comes to dating, you should keep in mind that the purpose for dating is to ultimately lead to marriage. A good question to ask is "is this someone I could marry?" 

Two things here, marriage is to be honored and we are to save ourselves for marriage. Our society does not have a high view of marriage. The Traditional Biblical view of marriage has been under attack for years now. But God wants all true followers of Jesus to honor and respect marriage. Why is this so important to God?

Marriage is a picture, a parable about Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is the most intimate human relationship and it reflects Christ’s love and pursuit of the Church. Christian marriage is to emulate Christ and radiate His glory in this world.

We need to start now to shape our thinking about marriage and how that affects our dating decisions. Sexual purity is rare in our culture, but it is one way that we can stand out as lights in this world. 

There is no such thing as casual sex. Sex is a big deal. Sex changes things. There is consequence for disobedience. If you don’t honor God before marriage, how can you expect God to bless your marriage? The best advice is to honor God first, have a high view of marriage and sex and walk in purity.

Goal #4: Pursue Purity

1 Corinthians 6:16-20

¹⁶ Or do you not know that he who is joined^[a] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” ¹⁷ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. ¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin^[b] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. ¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, ²⁰ for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

What? – Flee from sexual immorality, glorify God in your body.

Why? – Your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit, you were bought with a price. Sex is designed to unite two into one flesh. Don’t join Christ with your sin.

This passage continues the theme we just talked about. But look at the “Why” we are given here. If you are a believer in Jesus, then your Body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. You were bought with a price, the costly blood of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:18-19). Therefore, you are called to be separate.

Again, when we have goals it can be easier keep focused. Keep the Temple clean, uncluttered and ready for worship. You are joined with the Holy Spirit, so don’t try to join with any form of immorality.

The word of sexual immorality is “porneia”, meaning any form of sexual conduct outside of marriage. This includes sex, touching, pornography, and sexting. We are to flee from all of that outside of marriage.

Goal #5: Flee from sexual immorality

As we consider these 5 goals, and there are many more we could talk about, I want to leave with you one more verse.

1 John 1:9

 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

We all fail from time to time, or even every day. It is so important to know that if you haven’t kept these goals, that God provides forgiveness for those who repent and confess their sins. You don’t have to allow your past, or a momentary indiscretion, to define your future.

When you agree with God that your actions were a sin and ask for forgiveness, He will forgive you.

Relationship Goals: Friendship

Big changes were happening. I was finishing the 8^th grade and changing schools in the fall. I just showed up at freshman orientation, not knowing anyone in the room and I was nervous being in a new place. When I walked into the meeting room and looked around the room, I happened to make eye contact with this guy who said “hey.” Seemed like an invitation, so I went and sat by him. And that was the beginning to one of closest friendships.

Our friendship was a gift for both of us. We had no idea that day what our friendship would become, but God used that friendship to mold and shape each of us. At first, we goofed around like any freshman would. We would attend sports team meetings together, played freshman basketball together, sat at lunch together, and tried to schedule classes together.

But what became unique and special about our friendship was our mutual love for Jesus Christ. We both wanted to make an impact for Christ with our lives. We started a Bible study at one of our houses that lasted several years. On Tuesdays, we would skip lunch and go pray together. We organized a guys’ Bible study from our class, which led to us forming discipleship lunches where we would meet with Jr High guys once a week.

I thank God for that friendship during my High School years as it had a huge impact on my life. It was a friendship I happened upon and didn’t plan. I didn’t try to figure out what type of friendship it was before I started, it grew organically. But it was a great friendship that honored God and was mutually beneficial, but also a benefit to those around us.

As we continue to talk about Relationships, let’s review:

God created us to be in a relationship with Him, but also with others. He said, “it is not good that man is alone” and so God created the family. So last week we talked about the importance of your relationship with your parents and God’s command to both honor and obey them. As a teenager seeking independence, it can be hard to remember to honor and obey, but pausing to reflect on the goodness of God’s gift of the family and your love for God and your parents will result in honor and obedience.

This week we will talk about the importance of friendships. What is a friend? What does it mean to be a friend?

How many friends do you have?

Depending on who you are will determine how you answered that question. For some of you, you immediately pulled up your Facebook or Instagram and came up with a number. I currently have 993 Facebook friends, but are they all really my friends?

Social media has made us one of the most connected yet isolated people of all time. One writer said this:

We've traded:

• Trust for "Tweets"
• Smiles for "Statuses"
• Love for "Likes"
• Conversations for "Comments"

But we are not talking about Social Media tonight, or friends from Social Media. That’s another discussion for another day.

What is a true friend? I want you to make a list right now of people in your life that you would say are true friends. Save this list for later.

Who’s on that list depends on how you define “friend.” Let’s look at what the Word of God defines friendship as, then we will go back and look at our “friends” and see what type of friend they are.

Wise vs Foolish

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20

Long before the quote “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future,” or “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn), God’s Word instructs us that the people we associate with will have an influence on us.

God, in His infinite wisdom, wants you to know that your friends are a big influence over you, so choose the carefully. Wise friends will help you become more wise, foolish friends will lead you down a path of foolishness. It happens. I know for a fact it’s true because I’ve seen it in my life. I’ve had to make a tough choice and stop associating with friends when they become a distraction to my pursuit of God.

Look at your friends, who are your “wise” friends? Who are your “foolish” friends? By foolish, we are not talking about “goofy” or “funny” but about those who are pursuing foolish things, turning your attention from godly things to earthly things.

Sharpening

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Here Solomon uses the sharpening of metal as an illustration of friendship. He’s talking about accountability, calling us to righteousness. A true friend will call us out when we are wrong and guide us back to the truth. A friend doesn’t make excuses for our sins, or protect our wrong doings, but leads us through and out of them.

My friend in High School would frequently come to me and say something like, “dude, what were you thinking?” or “no dude, just no”! In most cases that was enough. There were other times where he would point me to the Scriptures and help me understand that I was in error.

Through Thick and Thin

 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

A true friend is one who has your back through the good and bad times. Yes, they keep you accountable, but they also compassionately walk through trials in your life. They are the ones who understand you and sometimes interpret for you. They are the ones you want with you when life is upside down, when you’re going through a breakup, when your experiencing loss of a loved one, they are always there.

Not Just Lip Service

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him” 1 John 3:18–19

A true friend is one who demonstrates their friendship. Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words. You shouldn’t have to guess whether someone is your friend or not. A true friend isn’t wavering, but is faithful.

Leads Us To Jesus

For this next point, I want you to remember an encounter Jesus had in Mark 2:1-5, read this text and look at the friendship demonstrated here.

“And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Isn’t that awesome! Jesus was teaching and the house filled up fast. It was so crowded nobody else could come in. This paralyzed guy had four awesome friends who took him up to the roof and began digging in, tearing the roof right off. They lowered him down so he could get to Jesus.

Now that is audacious friends! They were willing to do whatever it took to get their friend to Jesus!

Though we may not be paralyzed, Jesus is the answer to our life’s problems. True friends know that Jesus is the best friend we could ever have. The friends we keep in close contact with need to be friends who will point us to Jesus.

We may not be surrounded by Christian friends who will point us to Jesus all the time. You may feel like you don’t have anyone at School to be this type of friend. God is not asking you to ignore everyone at school. Sure you will develop friendships with unbelievers, but you need to be careful how much influence you allow them in your life.

I had my neighborhood friends, my school friends and my youth group friends. It was great when my friends overlapped these circles, but at times they didn’t. Sometimes I felt alone at school when I was being teased for being a Christian. But I had friends who would support me when I went to church.

The greatest blessing is when I was able to encourage my nonbelieving friends to follow Christ. You see, we not only want to find friends that meet these biblical descriptions, but we want to be a biblical friend to others.

A true friend is a wise and faithful friend, who will call us out and be there for us through the tough times, and most importantly will lead us to Jesus throughout life.