Intro to Romans 5-8 series

NEW SERIES: Romans 5-8 – The Gospel Reveals A New Humanity

In our first series in Romans (1-4) we saw that the Gospel Reveals the Righteousness of God. Gospel means “Good News,” and the good news that we have received from God in his Son Jesus Christ is that God is both just and the justifier of those who believe in him. The truth is that we are all sinners separated from God deserving his wrath. God, I his great mercy and grace, provided salvation for those who believe in Jesus Christ. The wrath of God was satisfied in the sacrifice that Jesus freely offered on our behalf. Although chapters 1-4 started off pretty heavy, it set the stage for us to understand the good news of salvation accomplished through the righteous act of God.

In this next series in Romans (5-8), we will see that the Good News reveals to us how to become a new humanity. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” Understanding that the gospel transforms us from dead to life and recreates from old to new is unpacked. Adam’s sin created a rupture that has impacted all of humanity and all of creation. He was the first figurehead and representative of the human race. However, Jesus is the 2nd Adam, he is the new figurehead and representative for all those who believe. Those who receive Christ are made new. 

A new humanity, being made new in Christ, means that there is a new way to be human. We are no longer slaves to sin and death but are now made alive in Christ. This series will begin to unpack how we are to live as Christ followers in this world now that we have been reconciled to the Father. 

Dating Worth A Letter to Students inspired by Eph 4

Here is a letter following Paul’s pattern in Ephesians 4 specifically to my youth group about dating and relationships:

I, as your pastor, a fellow child and servant of the LORD, urge you to date in a manner worthy of your relationship with Jesus Christ. Remember that the most important relationship you will have in this life and the next is with Jesus Christ, and walking with him should define all other relationships you will have in this life. As you seek dating, romance, and a future spouse, stay humble, be gentle, grow in patience, allow love to guide your attitude (1 Cor. 13:4-7), and behave in a way that promotes peace and unity that the Holy Spirit brings. A good indicator that you are walking with Jesus is that you have a desire for his Words (the Bible), to talk with him (prayer), and to be with his people (attending church/youth group, etc.). 

Looking forward to when Christ returns, all believers are part of the Bride of Christ and will one day be reunited with him and celebrate the marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev. 19:6-10). Date in such a way that prepares you for that day, always seeking the purity of the Bride (you and all believers) and the glory of the Groom (Jesus Christ). Reflect on your hopes and dreams for your future marriage and consider what it will take to become the husband or wife you desire to be (Eph. 5:21-33). The Word of God is the best guide for character traits, attitudes, words, and actions that promote health and maturity (Prov. 31; 1 Tim. 3:1-13; Phil. 4:8; Rom. 12:9-21). Allow these thoughts to frame your perspective on dating.

Date worthy, for you were bought with a price, Jesus sacrificed his life for your salvation, justification, and sanctification (Eph. 4:1). Only date a fellow follower of Jesus (2 Cor. 6:14-18). Remember, you are not alone (Heb. 13:5-6) and do not (should not) walk through the dating experience alone (Heb. 10:24-25). Jesus not only provided for your salvation, but he gave gifts for your benefit and growth: pastors, teachers, youth leaders, and godly friends. These gifts were given to equip you and keep you accountable, make sure you receive these gifts, even when their counsel isn’t what you want to hear (Eph. 4:11-12). They are to seek to help you grow in your knowledge of Jesus Christ so that you will mature in your faith and develop healthy relationships. Dating is a fun, yet serious, season of life. Do not approach it in a childish manner but grow up into a godly partner who will serve and build up the one you are dating. 

Look around, see how other students are dating, see how romance is pictured in movies, consider how sex is treated so flippantly, DO NOT buy into their lies (Rom. 12:1-2). DO NOT do what they do or give in to the childish ways they live in their ignorance to God’s design. Their hearts are hardened to the truth because of their sin, which leads them into more sin (Eph. 4:18). They celebrate sensuality and impurity, not realizing that it is only degrading and destroying themselves. Pray for their repentance and God’s grace to open their eyes to the truth, and ask God to give you strength, courage, and boldness to follow the narrow way (Matt. 7:13-14).

I am writing you assuming you are a follower of Jesus Christ and believe his teachings (Eph. 4:20-22). You did not learn from Christ to do those things, rather he instructs to put off the old way of thinking and doing, and put on the new self, which is created to be like him. When you walk with Jesus, you will become more like him, producing true righteousness and holiness (John 15:5). To date worthy means that righteousness and holiness should become descriptors of the way you carry yourself in your relationships. That means doing the right thing and remaining pure at all times. 

It is so important that you develop righteous principals and appropriate boundaries before you begin dating, in this way you will give no opportunity for the devil to lead you down sinful paths (Eph. 4:27). It begins with your speech, not allowing any corrupt or perverse language to influence your thoughts, rather finding words of encouragement that are wholesome and will build up others. Do not continue in sinful patterns that will grieve the Holy Spirit, who is the one that gives you the assurance that you are in the faith (Eph. 4:30). Grieving the Spirit is when your thoughts, desires, and actions distract you from hearing his voice and sensing his convictions. You see, when you give in to sin too much your heart hardens and your conscious gets seared and calloused. But when you confess your sins, God is faithful and just to forgive your sins and he will wash you, cleanse you, and restore a soft and tender heart to you (1 John 1:9). 

Before I conclude, I would like to give you some practical points to consider when seeking to date worthy. Do not start dating too early, remember, dating someone does not define you, God does (Ps. 139). Dating is for the purpose of finding someone to marry, not for convenience, not just for fun (it can be fun), and not for security. Instead, focus on become the man/woman of God that Jesus wants you to be and learn to develop good healthy friendships with the opposite sex. 

Do not get comfortable dating someone, especially the younger you start dating. Christian dating isn’t about getting comfortable and cozy; it’s about learning and serving the other person. Dates should be about getting to know the other person, not sitting on a couch watching a movie and cuddling under the blanket…this is a bad idea and gives opportunity for the devil. Go outside and walk, go somewhere public and fun for talks, it does not have to be expensive to be a good date. Do not waste time with the other person by sitting in front of a screen or binge-watching TV shows. 

As you develop into an exclusive couple, learn to be inclusive. That means, as a couple, spend time with each other’s parents and your friends. Although it is great spending time alone, too much alone time can lead to temptation or confusion. Temptation is real and it is natural to want to be involved physically and sexually with someone you are dating; however, you must guard your hearts, minds, and bodies against these temptations. Sex is a wonderful gift from God in the right context of marriage, outside of marriage it is harmful and destructive. The confusion that comes with too much alone time while dating involves emotions and intentions. Intentional time away helps reveal what is real and what is based on proximity. 

Do not think you can fix someone if you date or marry them. The problems you see today will likely be problems in the future. Nobody wants to be pursued as a project. Instead, look for someone who is displaying the godly qualities you want in a spouse, or someone who is growing in those qualities and pursue them. 

You do not have to marry the first person you date, and you do not need to stay in a dating relationship just because you are in it. Not to be a killjoy, but in some ways, dating is an interview process, and you only want to continue on with the one who passes the tests. Determining when to continue dating someone and when to breakup can be difficult at times. Do not date/marry someone based on others’ expectations. There is a big difference between expectations, inferences, and advice. Listen to godly and wise counsel but remember that others do not know everything about your relationship that you do. Trust your gut feeling. If you know the relationship is not right, get out sooner than later. You do not need to waste their time and emotions hoping your feelings will change. If you break up, do not use God as an excuse, i.e., “God told me we need to break up.” That leaves them thinking they are rejected by you and by God. Instead, be clear and direct and final, that means don’t add something like, “it’s just not the right time,” etc. You will ultimately be serving the other person with a simple, direct, and final breakup. 

Being rejected is not fun but it’s not the end of the world. Remembering that God is the one who defines you and not the relationship, that also means rejection does not define you. Learn to lament when you are hurting (Ps. 13), talk to God, express your hurt and complaint openly, ask God to work in your life and provide for your future, and remind yourself of God’s love and provisions in your life. Look back at the relationship and see what you learned about yourself and relationships. As difficult as it is, trust God is working something even better for you than you expect. After some time to heal, do the hard thing and get back out there, or at least be open to something new.

Being single is not bad. I will admit, it can seem difficult when everyone is always pushing relationships. However, there is freedom to serve Christ as a single person who is walking with Jesus. I cannot promise you that God will give you a spouse or a perfect relationship in the future. However, I can testify that Jesus walks with you through life and he is enough, his grace is sufficient, and his love is steadfast and true. If you remain single, look for ways to serve others and use your gifts to build community. Do not allow singleness to diminish the way you think about yourself, do draw you into self-pity, or depression. I can tell you that those are all easy to slip into. But God has a plan and purpose for you. It may be different than the way you dreamed it to be, but his plan is for you is for your greatest good and ultimate joy. 

Learn to fight fair and work through conflict. If you break up every time you get into a fight you will set yourself up for failure in marriage. Learning to work through fights and conflicts does not mean you have to marry the person, but it does produce maturity. Learn to listen to hear, not listen to speak. Recognize that in every conversation with every statement there is “what has been said” and “what has been heard.” Clear communication, especially during conflict, is making sure those two are reconciled. Conflict is opportunity to learn about yourself, others, and the importance of communication. In every failed relationship there is a breakdown in communication, so learning to communicate effectively goes a long way in strengthening a relationship. 

There is much more I could say, and I am sure you may have many more questions that I anticipated in this letter. I began writing this following Ephesians 4 and veered off into some practical advice too, but I want to end in the same chapter. In every relationship, but especially in your dating life, engagement and marriage, learn to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

I am praying for you to be confident in the Lord, that you continue to walk with him, and that he leads you along the path to date worthy. 

Grace, Peace, and Love,

Brad

DATE WORTHY - EPH. 4

As we conclude our dating series tonight in Ephesians chapter 4, I think it is important to look back briefly at what Paul says about the LORD’s work in our lives that is the grounds for our new way of living, specifically in what we are going to be talking about in dating worthy. Ephesians 1-3 unpacks the Gospel and the abundant grace God has poured out on those who believe. In summary, let’s read Ephesians 2:1–5

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved”

We were dead and walking according to the sinful world that we lived in. We were hopelessly lost in our disobedience and doing whatever our desires dictated. We were children of wrath deserving eternal separation from God. BUT God moved toward us, he did for us what we could not do, and provided salvation through Jesus Christ. We were dead, he made us alive with Christ, through his grace. This is the basis of our calling and we need to understand it in order to allow it to affect our walk generally and our dating specifically. 

1. Understand Your Calling – Eph. 4:1

As a believer, you were once spiritually dead and God has called you to life. What does a dead person do? Nothing. You could do nothing for yourself, but God did it for you. Paul’s understanding of the gospel leads him to call himself a prisoner.

a. Prisoner

What is a prisoner? Someone who is captive or hostage. Notice he says a prisoner “for” and not a prisoner “of” as God is not detaining us or holding us against our will. Rather, Paul felt so compelled by the grace of God to totally surrender his life to the cause of Christ. This is the pattern we should seek to emulate, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “when Christ calls a man, he bids him to die.”

b. Calling

The calling we have been called to is to be followers of Christ and, therefore, children of God. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that God has called us unto good works. His calling brings salvation and purpose. He has plan, our job is to walk in step with him as he reveals it. 

c. Walk

Walk is a word used to describe our manner of life, our behavior, and our actions. The game of follow the leader best pictures the concept here, keep your eyes on the leader, go where he goes, and do what he does. Paul implores us to live in such a way that it is clear that we are Christians and our lifestyle points people to Jesus. One area of life that we are focusing on is Dating. As a Christian, date in a manner worthy of being a prisoner for Jesus Christ, date in a way that is worthy of bearing the name of Jesus. 

2. Utilize God’s Gifts– Eph. 4:11-15

One way we can Date worthy and walk worthy is to utilize the gifts that God has given for our benefit. God has not left us alone in the pursuit of living worthy lives. He has given us gifts to equip us and guide us into a mature walk that will grow and build in love. First lets consider the gifts of Christian leaders:

a. Apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds, and teachers

In our context, God has given you pastors, youth leaders, and Christian friends to be godly influences in your life. As you are entering into thoughts about dating or dating relationships, turn to these people in your lives and allow them to speak truth and encouragement into your life. God has also given you parents who love you and care for you. 

b. Equipping

If you were going to go on a hiking trip, what would you need? Shaq could readily tell you all the equipment you need for the hike: boots, backpack, water bottle, hiking sticks, a compass, and more. You would want to be equipped before you departed. Why, then, do we jump into dating relationships without properly being equipped or talking to our Christian leaders about how to be equipped for dating and marriage? You can identify whether a Christian is a gift from God or a distraction based on if they equip you according to God’s Word. 

c. Mature in your walk with Jesus = mature in your approach to dating

A Christian leader who is a gift should help you develop a mature walk with Christ that will influence how you approach dating and romance. As babies, we all struggled to crawl and walk. We tumbled and bounced around, but eventually started getting the hang of it. All along the way, we had parents, aunts, uncles, and siblings helping us navigate through the awkward phases. God’s gifts are giving to help you navigate through the awkward phases and learn a mature stride that will cause you to grow and build a loving relationship. 

3. Avoid Worldly Distractions – Eph. 4:17-19

Paul gets real direct, don’t walk the way unbelievers do. Don’t walk down that road. Do not follow their pattern (Rom. 12:2).

a. Don’t follow their pattern

Look around at the pattern of the world when it comes to dating. Some of your friends, classmates, or team members are following the world’s destructive paths. You see them at the lockers or at the school dances behaving in immature and even forbidden ways. Media, movies, and social media are constantly bombarding you with ideas and images about dating, romance, love, and marriage. Why would you want to follow the worlds’ pattern?

b. Futility of mind and hardness of hearts

The world follows their path because their mines are futile, they are ignorant of God’s truth, God’s design, and God’s plan. They sin because their hearts are hardened to the truth. The suppress the knowledge of God because they do not want accountability. That is what sin does, it hardens our hearts and pollutes our minds. They pursue sensual and impure things. Again I ask, why would you want to follow the worlds’ pattern? Because it seems to be attractive, fun, and carefree. But they only show one side of the story. They do not talk about the emptiness sexual activity creates with the lack of a commitment. They don’t reveal the sorrow, the searching, the pursuit of validation that never ends. They do not have the comfort, meaning, and purpose that Christ gives to believers. 

4. Follow the Way of Christ – Eph. 4:20-32

So don’t follow their way, follow Christ. 

a. Are you a Christian? 

I’m not asking if you attend church or grew up in a Christian home. Are you a follower of Jesus, one who has surrendered to Christ and received forgiveness of sin. If you are truly a Christian, you are not your own but now belong to the LORD and should live accordingly. We do this by learning to putt off the old and putt on the new.

b. Put off the Old – Don’t give opportunity to the Devil

In dating, putting off the old is to stop following the sinful patterns of the world. We are instructed to not give the devil any opportunities in our lives. This means not looking at pornography, reading pornographic materials, and not engaging in any activity that will lead you astray. This means not going on dates or going to locations that will cause you to desire sin. Instead, put on the new…

c. Put on the New – righteousness and holiness

The new self, just like putting on new clothes, is clean and wholesome. Righteousness, doing the right thing, should become the normal activity of a follower of Christ. Pursuing holiness, being like Jesus, is a result of walking with Jesus. If you look at porn, stop looking at it and instead put on the new by looking at and filling your mind with godly things. If you are reading things that are causing you to think sexually, stop it and read the Bible or good Christian books that will help your thought life. If you are watching inappropriate TV shows or movies, stop and switch to watch RightNowMedia or other sources that will help you grow in your faith. 

d. Fight Fair, Conflict and Communication – Eph. 4:31-32

Lastly, dating in a worthy manner is to learn to communicate effectively and navigate conflict in an appropriate way. Do not allow anger and wrath to lead you to a life of bitterness. Learn to forgive, learn to communicate and learn to be kind even in conflict. 

So much more could be said, but the idea is there: walk with Jesus and date worthy. When you fix your eyes on Jesus, follow him, and allow him to influence your dating life, you will not regret it. He designed you and has plans for you. Follow him, walk with him daily, and practice his principals in your dating relationships.