Let's Talk about 13 Reasons Why

Every so often a movie or TV show hits the scene that causes some controversy. From my perspective, most of the time that is a good thing. Not that the movie or TV show is necessarily a good or bad thing, but that it’s appearance brings about opportunity to talk about important topics.

Several years ago, The Da Vinci Code hit the movies. There was a lot of fear and anxiety that this movie would cause many to no longer believe in Jesus. It brought about an old argument that said Jesus had married Mary Magdalen and had children, and other myths. I thought it was a great opportunity to teach about church history, a topic that is seldom taught outside of Bible School.

This week I became aware of a new Netflix series that is very popular amongst teens today. Its called “13 Reasons Why” and it deals with the life a High School girl who completed suicide.  

Although this show is rated TV-MA (or basically rated R if it was a movie), I don’t want to get caught up in what rating is appropriate to watch. The reality of this show is that it hits to the core of the reality the students face in public schools across America.

In watching an episode, I was deeply saddened by the realization that what was being portrayed is not fiction, but in fact our kids are facing every day. The cyber bullying, the public shaming, the sexual pressures and the silence that follows. Students face so much pressure today in unique ways to this generation, and parents, teachers, pastors and counselors are often unaware of what’s really happening.

For those reasons alone, we need to educate ourselves and learn to talk about these topics.

I’m not saying that this show actually does a good job in addressing these issues. What it does well is show the reality of the struggles and pressures. But it provides no hope, no healing and no real direction. It dumps a whole lot of heavy issues on you but leaves you hanging to figure out what to do about it.

Sure, there is the accessible “you should be nicer to people” message, and schools would be a lot better if people are nicer. Obviously, there is no Gospel message or redemption to the story. In one sense, I understand the necessity of not having a redeeming positive message at the end of this, for that is what happens often in reality. Yet there isn’t even a message to tell kids struggling with suicide to call a hotline or something.

The advent of this show helps me realize that I need to do a better job of communicating on tough topics and researching teen culture. Students are lonely, vulnerable and desperately want true answers, but are afraid to ask or make the first move to talk to someone who can help.

Parents, friends, youth pastors and anyone who will read this, please read the resources below and ask a teenager you know about the show, about suicide, about the pressures of life and point them to Christ.

Below are links to both Christian and secular articles. Those with a Christian message are labeled with †

**Updated Articles**

**†"'13 Reasons Why' is Deceptive and Destructive" by Trevin Wax
**† Does "13 Reason Why" Glamorize Teen Suicide by Russel Moore
**Message from the Superintendent of Wadsworth High School

†“13Reasons Why’ Reminds Us to Show Youth Love” great resource for questions and discussion

†13Reasons Why Plugged In review

†UNDERNEATH “13 REASONS WHY” - also has a link to an article on Teen Suicide

13 Reasons Why Isn’t Really About Suicide Article from New York Mag

Good for Teens to read

†13Reasons Why NOT a young lady shares 13 Biblical reasons not to commit suicide 

†Thirteen Reasons Why...suicide is the worst option  Greg Steir gives good Bible teaching

13 Reasons Why ThisShow Is Dangerous  college girl blogs about it

To Every 'HannahBaker' That Is Still Alive college girl writes to those struggling with suicide 

This Is Why PeopleAre Saying "13 Reasons Why" Is A Dangerous Show Buzzfeed article 

From a Parent/Psychotherapist perspective

13 Reasons Why, and Its Unintended Consequences, by Brooke Fox, LCSW 

Our Dance with THE Umbrella

Source: John 10:1-21

Are you a follower of Jesus Christ? Are you a Christian? If you said yes, what does that mean to you? Take a few moments and think about it. What are the implications of saying, “I am a Christian”?

Statistics say that many Americans call themselves Christians, but their lives would say otherwise. Our culture has cheapened the term “Christian” to the point that it has lost its power. It’s one reason that I shifted to use the phrase “Christ follower” more and more.

To follow Christ means that we take up our cross daily (Matthew 16:24), die to self and follow in His footsteps, which means being obedient to His Word. It is the acknowledgement that Jesus is the Lord and King of your life, you are not your own for you are bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), a very costly price.

That means that Jesus should have the final word in all aspects of our lives, and that is a GOOD thing! When we examine the promises of Scriptures and see that His desire is for us to have the most rewarding life, filled with true blessings, we should be excited to surrender our will to His.

But I acknowledge that many of the faithful struggle every day with doubts and disbelief. I admit that every day I try to take back control in some way or another. And yet, He is faithful to us and willing to forgive time and time again (1 John 1:9).

He Desires Your Good

While Jesus was teaching the disciples, He gave them an illustration of life as a follower. Read the words of John 10:1-6:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” This figure of speech Jesus used with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them.”

Jesus used the illustration of a shepherd and his sheep to describe life with Him.

Provision

The Shepherd watches over and provides food, shelter and care for the sheep.

Plan

The Shepherd leads his sheep, knows his sheep talks with his sheep. They recognize his voice and follow.

Protection

The Shepherd was the gatekeeper, the door to the sheepfold. No one could get in or out except through him. He would go before the sheep and make sure everything was safe. The Shepherd would risk his life to save the sheep.

The image here is that the sheep are the safest and most cared for in close proximity to the shepherd.

BUT there is opposition!

There are thieves and robbers who try to get into the pen another way. They come in and try to get the sheep to doubt the Shepherd. They break down the walls of defense and get the sheep to wander out alone where they are vulnerable and easy prey.

This is why Jesus warned them,

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10 ESV)

There is an enemy who wants to destroy you and your faith, but trust Jesus and stick close to Him for abundant life! That means a life that is full of purpose and meaning. Notice, it does not mean it always goes according to your plan, but He is with you and will guide you.

So what does this have to do with dating and relationships?

We are starting a new series tonight, and the above passage is laying the foundation for the next few weeks. In this world you are face with a tough question, are you going to live in the corral or out of the corral?

To phrase it another way, are you going to trust Jesus or trust the enemy (the world)?

I recently heard a phrase from Roy Hall, “You are born a winner or a loser…wrong! You are born a chooser!” His point being, making good choices and honoring God with your life is not something that just happens, it is based off of good choices.

Jesus is here to provide for you, He has a plan for you and He will protect you, when you stay close to Him. But, if you follow the opposition you are placing yourself in a dangerous place, a scary wilderness where you feel alone, hurt and vulnerable. He allows you to choose, and when you make the bad choice and wander away, know that He doesn’t give up on you but pursues every wayward sheep that belongs to Him (Matthew 18:10-14).

The Umbrella

Think of an umbrella for a moment. What is it good for? To protect you from the rain. When it’s raining, the safest place to be is directly under the umbrella, holding the handle tightly. The farther from the handle you move, the more exposed you are to the weather. If you let go of the umbrella and walk away from it, you will be fully exposed to the full force of the weather.

You cannot blame the umbrella, for you are the one who walked away from it. If you go and pick the umbrella up and draw it close, it will protect you, though you are still wet from the rain. But the longer you cling to the umbrella the more you will dry off and it will protect you from further rain.

The umbrella is Christ and His Word. The rain is the sin and this world. Stay under the umbrella, be obedient to the Word of God and you will receive the fullest of His protection.

God, in His great love for us, allows us to choose. He desires that you choose to stay close to Him. But, you have your choice. You are free to choose what you want to do. You may choose to “follow your heart” and make bad choices, and you will suffer consequences. BUT, the moment you choose to repent and return to Christ, He will forgive you and accept you back. However, there are still earthly consequences.

The Word of God helps us to see God’s Protection, Plan and Provision for us. God has also granted you the umbrella of protection of your parents. They are there to help lead and guide you into good choices. Obeying them in the Lord is to obey God, and receive His fullest protection. Disobeying them opens up the possibilities of dangerous consequences. You could choose to rebel, but you are hurting yourself and your parents. But when you fix your eyes on Jesus and follow Him, you will see and find great joy in walking through this life with your parents, not in opposition to them.

Desires of the Heart

On of the most exhilarating texts in all of the Bible for me is,

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4 ESV)

What a promise! I admit that the first time, ok the first few times I read and quoted this verse, I believed it meant something completely different than it actually means.

I know that I used to think that if I delighted in God, He would give me the life I planned. Specifically, I thought it was a guarantee that I would marry the girl I wanted to marry. And so, for a season, I pursued God for a girl. (in case you were wondering, that is idolatry!)

But this verse is a promise that in pursuing God, He will grant to us what our hearts truly desire, not what our worldly hearts desire.

When we begin to follow Christ wholeheartedly, and take great joy in following Him, we will find that our umbrella goes from one of those little dollar store umbrellas that don’t really work, to a huge beach umbrella. What I mean buy that, is we find that we are not restricted by Christ but He gives us so much space to dance!

God made you a relational being! He made you a sexual being! He has a plan for you and following Him closely will lead to your fullest satisfaction in all areas of life and godliness.

The world offers cheap imitations, but God offers you the fullest expression. Choose wisely!

Over the next few weeks, I am having few couples come in and share their testimony and story of how God brought them together and how they have learned to follow Christ in their dating, engagement and marriage. Listen closely and hear how God has granted them the desires of their heart and is continually teaching them about His great love for them!

Doubt of Unforgiveness

Source: John 21, Psalm 51, 1 John 1:9; John 10:10; Romans 8:1; James 5:16

“Is that Him? It has to be!” Peter thought. In a sudden move, he jumped out of the boat and swam excitedly to shore. What could be better than being reunited with your best friend? How sweet this reunion was going to be!

Shaking off the water, he attempted to gather himself as he approached the fire where Jesus sat beckoning him to join Him for breakfast. The fire…the charcoal fire…a pit of guilt and shame formed instantly in Peter’s stomach. In an instant, the exuberant joy he had felt as he jumped out of the boat dissipated as he remembered the charcoal fire from just a few days before.

Dark Memories

It was the darkest moment of his life. Easily his biggest regret, and he wished ever so desperately that he could go back and undo what he had done.

It all started as the celebration for Passover began. Jesus and the disciples gathered in the upper room for dinner. The significance of that night escaped him, but now he realized clearly how Jesus tried to get all the disciples to understand the gravity of what was about to happen.

He had learned so much from Jesus over the past 3 years. Everything in his life changed from the moment he first met Jesus. He was a simple fisherman and led a quiet life, but now he was a disciple and one of the inner circle. He had become accustom to being the right-hand man of the Master and admittedly became prideful in his new estate.

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t really paying attention to what Jesus was saying. Jesus said that this was the last meal with them before he was going to suffer. All the disciples missed it, and nobody questioned Him about it. Then Jesus said He was going to be betrayed, and the betrayer was going to be one of them.

Jesus looked sympathetically at Peter and said,

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” Peter said to him, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.”  Jesus said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.” (Luke 22:31-34 ESV)

“Not a chance!” Peter thought, “I will never betray my best friend!” After all, Peter had just recently proclaimed that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, but that’s another story. The Passover meal ended and they went to the garden to pray as was their custom, yet Jesus was acting differently. The mood was heavier and the air was constraining.

Jesus asked them to pray, but it was a long day, and Peter fell asleep, not once, but three times. That’s when they heard the noise, Judas had brought the temple guards to arrest Jesus. “How could Judas do this?” Peter thought.

As they took Jesus away to trial by night, Peter tagged along at a distance. As the crowds gathered in the cold night, Peter went to a charcoal fire to warm himself. It was around the fire that he was questioned, “aren’t you with Jesus?” “No! I don’t know who he is,” Peter declared.

“No, I am pretty sure I saw you with him!” “No, you have me confused with someone else, I don’t know Jesus!” Peter said.

“You are a Galilean, and one of his disciples, I am sure of it!” “No, dam you, it’s not me, I don’t know Jesus!” Peter declared one more time. And then the rooster crowed, and Peter looked across the court yard and made eye contact with Jesus as they moved Him to another trial.

The words Jesus had spoken to him just a few hours ago now hit him like a ton of bricks. How could he have denied his friend? How could he have been so fickle when Jesus needed him most?

The guilt was too much! Peter ran from that place, a broken man.

 A New Beginning

All those thoughts rushed back and he felt like he was sucker punched as he drew closer to the fire where Jesus sat. Peter sat down, as the other disciples caught up and joined them.

“Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“What was Jesus doing? Why is he singling me out?” Peter wondered.

He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.”

He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was feeling a little uncomfortable, but Jesus would often push His disciples past their comfort zone to teach them, so he replied,

“Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.”

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?”

It was at this moment that Peter realized that Jesus was addressing his burden of guilt he carried over the denials. He was confronted in this moment with a charcoal fire and the very man whom he denied. He could not avoid His gaze, he could not back out of this corner, he had to walk through this honestly and openly.

and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.” (John 21:15-17 ESV)

In that moment, Peter felt the burden lifted. He felt the love of Jesus, the risen Lord, overwhelm Him. Jesus did not give up on Peter. Jesus knew that Peter needed to be confronted with his sin, but He didn’t beat him up about it. Peter already felt guilt and shame, he needed Jesus to be…well Jesus. And Jesus did not disappoint.

Jesus wanted to see if Peter had learned from his past. Where was Peter’s heart? Peter loved Jesus and Jesus had a purpose for Peter. In this moment, around this charcoal fire, Peter was restored in love.

Doubt of Unforgiveness

We learn so much from this exchange between Jesus and Peter. Have you ever experienced guilt and shame because of your failure? Have you seen, heard, tasted or smelled something and instantly the regret and shame come back?

Guilt and shame from sin becomes a barrier in our relationship with God. When left untreated, it can cause us to feel alone and far away from God.

To be clear, God has not withdrawn from us (Hebrews 13:5), we have turned from Him. He is waiting for us to turn and trust Him.

But we may go through seasons in life not realizing that we are holding onto our sin and shame. It is in this wilderness that we face a barrage of doubts and fears. “Is God real? Does God care about me? God could never forgive me for this?” and so many more.

It is in this weakened state that the enemy of our souls seeks to destroy us and our faith. Jesus said it this way to Peter, “Satan desires to sift you as wheat…”

Guilt, shame and doubt become a trial that the enemy uses to sift us. This is a metaphor pointing to Satan’s desire to shake us to the point where we break and give up our faith. Questions will plague us in this state. We won’t feel the presence of God. We will think our prayers are hitting the ceiling. Life will ebb from us.

BUT that is because we are pursuing this on our own and we are believing lies. Jesus did not give up on Peter, but lovingly restored him. Jesus won’t give up on you and is waiting for you to confess your sin and return to Him.

1 John 1:9 says, “if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness!”

We serve a God who delights in forgiving His children. Allow the story of Peter’s denials and restoration to be a reminder of how much God loves you and the great lengths He will go to affirm you.

King David went through a trial where his sin caused him to go through a season where his faith faltered. Spend time slowly reading through Psalm 51 and think through what it must have been like for him going through his wilderness of doubt.

He describes a sense of emptiness, distance and lack of joy. He pleads with God to forgive him and restore his joy. And God did!

If you are going through a season of doubt, is there sins in your life that need to be confessed? Turn from them and turn to Christ. He will not reject you. He knows your darkest moments, He knows your charcoal fires, and He loves you. He will not beat you up about it, He wants to wrap you in His loving embrace and call you His child.

If your guilt and shame is pushing you away from God, it is the work of the enemy sifting you. The enemy will lie to you, don’t believe him. Remember these words,

1.     Jesus came to give life, but the enemy tries to destroy your faith

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10 ESV)

2.     Jesus conquered sin and death so that guilt and shame will not rule over you

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1 ESV)

3.     Sometimes we need to confess to others to help us overcome sinful habits and prayer warriors who will stick with us

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16 ESV)

God loves you so much! Don’t allow unconfessed sin to ruin your relationship with Him. He is waiting for you to turn and trust Him.