Bookends: a conclusion to our study on dating in 2 Timothy

This week we are concluding our series on Dating Warfare. Just some concluding thoughts to wrap up a series on Honor, Courage, Commitment and Example. We too often consider the dating scene and romance as flippantly as the culture does. Yet as followers of Jesus Christ we are called to a much fuller life then what the world or media displays.

Do you ever look around from the celebrity break ups to the divorce of family friends, or even your parents, and think that there must be more to romance then this? I do.

As a pastor I struggle so much with seeing the pain and destruction of lives all around me. I want to fix every brokenness I encounter, but I can’t. I can see the brokenness, but I can’t repair it. Neither can you. Only Jesus can.

I can tell people what the Word of God says, but I cannot make them obey it. I can preach the Gospel, but I cannot make someone believe it. I can tell you what the Creator says about love, sex and romance, but I can’t make you follow His path.

Each person must encounter Christ and choose to follow Him. As you choose to follow Christ, you will appreciate the encouragement of other believers who all seeking to walk with Jesus together. Yet it starts with a repentant heart and desire for Christ.

Yes I just slipped into an apologetic for the Gospel at the beginning of a lesson on dating. Dating is broken. It is two sinners, to very selfish people trying to fulfill longings and desires as best they can with competing views about sex, intimacy and love all jumbled up in their heads. The Gospel is the only answer to give to help people navigate the war within.  The Gospel promises life, life to the full.

The Promise of Life

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God according to the promise of the life that is in Christ Jesus, To Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. (2 Timothy 1:1-2 ESV)

Paul tells Timothy that the reason he is an apostle is by the will of God according to the promise of life in Christ. He is saying, “I do what I do because there is true life, a life worth living, a life that is fulfilling, a life the way it is meant to be that can only be found in Jesus.”

We are encountered again with a choice we have to make: do we trust God, or do we trust man? The promise that we find in Christ, when we follow Him, is that our relationships will be fulfilling and wonderful. This implies that there is a belief and a way of living that will lead to this.

The world teaches that God’s way is prude and ridiculous. Sex is no big deal and a lasting marriage is only for the fairy tales. Relationships are about the feelings, when they are gone move on. Pursue happiness above all else, be true to yourself and do what you want, after all you only live once. 

The Proverbs remind us that “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12 ESV).

What is God’s way?

Pursue of Purity

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22 ESV)

Paul tells us that we are to flee from the worldly teachings, the fleshly lusts and the immature views of relationship. We all go through phases of incorrect thinking as we mature. The question is, are you maturing?

In short, love Jesus with all you are and He will work out the details. Or put another way, in life, run toward Christ with all you got. Establish your pace. Then look around and see who is running with you.

Practically this is seen by putting off the old man and putting on the new man. Become more like Jesus. God says to be “holy as I am holy.” So we ask the question, “how pure can I be” not, “how far is too far”?

When we pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace we begin to see that life is about bringing glory to God, not our personal happiness. You begin to see that true joy and happiness abound when you glorify God with your life. You realize what you thought was fulfilling and made you happy was actually slowly destroying you and robbing you of joy.

Make a pure heart your goal in relationships and see how God blesses you.

Rescue and Safety

The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen. (2 Timothy 4:18 ESV)

We must be reminded though, that we do live in a broken and sinful world. What this means is that you have or will encounter sin in your relationships. Maybe someone has already sinned against you and abused you relationally, emotionally, physically or sexually. If you have been abused, it’s not your fault. Jesus wants to bring healing and hope. God in heaven has not forgotten about you and He loves you. Though this world is full of fear and uncertainties, God promises that we do not have to fear our eternity! He is loving rescue.

Maybe you have committed sin in your relationships. If you have looked at porn, fooled around sexually, had sex or mistreated people, this verse promises that Jesus will rescue you and bring you to safety. He will forgive you and restore purity. When you trust Christ, He makes you brand new (2 Corinthians 5:17). The moment you trust Him and walk in His way, you can have confidence that He will guide you into a fuller life.

Never Alone

The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with you. (2 Timothy 4:22 ESV)

Doing the right thing, following Jesus, can feel lonely at times. Every movie and TV show you watch seem to be telling you things in opposition to God’s Word. Your friends at school are all living differently then what you know God wants you to do. Sometimes even your family doesn’t support God’s view of relationships.

When it seems like everything is against you, remember that Jesus is with you. He is walking this path with you. He promises that He will never leave or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Hold fast to His Words and you will reap your reward. Don’t settle for the cheap imitation this world has to offer, but strive for and wait for the real thing.

I know the promises of God are true. I cling to them everyday. When I fail, I run to Him for forgiveness. When I am lonely, I seek His presence. When I am confused, I read His Word for guidance. My desire is to live every part of my life in such a way that brings glory to Jesus. My hope is that my relational pursuits are done in such a way that God is glorified and each of us encouraged no matter what the outcome is.

For me when I date, I seek to encourage the girl I date in her walk with God. I seek to treat her the way God would want me to treat His daughter. I seek to help her see that she is created in the image of God and is beautiful the way she is and is loved by her Creator. In doing these things, I hope that she will have a better understanding of what God wants for her, whether we get married or not. Because it’s not about me, it’s not about her, it is about Jesus.

A Tale of Two Friends

Paul writes a very impassioned and poignant treaties to young Timothy. He gave a charge for his ministry, a warning about the times and a reminder of his example to him. These are profound, direct and urgent.

Yet there is a subtle illustration left for him. I almost missed it. Read 2 Timothy 4:9-22 under the heading “Personal Instructions.” Did you catch it?

You may not at first. If you are like me, you get to a list of names and kind of go “blah, blah, blah,” and wonder why God didn’t give these guys good American names that are easy to pronounce. Then I look between the names to see if there is anything there for me so I can say I didn’t miss it. Yet sometimes its in the very names themselves that we see what is being given.

Each name is a real person. A REAL person, meaning they had doubts, worries, and fears. They had passions, joys and feelings. They were very much like you and I. Sure a different time and different country. But very much like us.

A Tale of Two Friends

What I never caught before was two guys on Paul’s list. They appear here, in Paul’s final written greeting recorded. What a list to be on! The greatest missionary of all time, writer of 2/3 of the New Testament and an apostle of Jesus Christ writes your name in a final greeting, I couldn’t imagine!

Paul records two guys with two very different statements describing them. Both of them had similar opportunities at the beginning. They both were companions with Paul and had traveled across the world for the sake of the Gospel. Yet their stories become very different.

Are you in or out?

John was selected early to be an assistant to Paul and Barnabas on the first missionary journey. Man they had a time of it. John heard some amazing sermons and saw some crazy things. Perhaps the intensity of the trip and confrontations with magicians were a bit to much for him, and John packed his bags and went back to Jerusalem (Acts 12-13). Paul didn’t seem to care much for quitters, so he “shook the dust” from his feet and kept moving on for the Gospel.

Some time later, Barnabas wanted give John another opportunity, but Paul forbid it (Acts 15). Have you ever been in an argument with your best friend? An argument with such harsh disagreement that you parted ways? It is something very significant. Paul had given John a chance and he failed, so he was done. Barnabas, the encourager, saw potential in John and chose to disciple him at great cost. The team split up, Paul took Silas and Barnabas took John and they went their separate ways.

Things are not always as they appear

Somewhere on his journey’s Paul encountered Demas. Not much is known about him, but he is seen as a companion and close confidant of Paul’s. He too had the privilege of traveling city to city, hearing Paul defend the faith in synagogues across the land. He is included in Paul’s list of close friends in a letter to the Colossians and to Philemon.

Interesting enough, we see Mark listed with Demas in both of these places. Paul had at some point allowed Mark, also known as John, back on his team. Demas and John traveled together under the discipleship of the apostle Paul. What an amazing opportunity.

It’s not how you begin but how you end

Once again, we are back in 2 Timothy 4, the end of Paul’s life and the concluding remarks we know about these two friends. Paul is transparent in his hurt, his pain and his love.

Demas has abandoned Paul, but not only Paul. Demas was once part of the inner circle and now it says, “in love with this present world.” At some point, though he was close to an amazing teacher of the Bible and had amazing Christian friends, Demas chose to love the world over God. Jesus told us that we cannot love this world and God, we must choose. Demas chose poorly. Demas had a great start, but his end is heartbreaking.

John had a rocky start. He quite and Paul saw him as useless. Paul even divided from his best friend because he felt John was a loser. Yet, Paul changed his mind. He tells his young disciple Timothy to bring John with him. In his last days, Paul wanted John close to him because he saw he was useful.

Your story

What can we learn from John and Demas? Especially as we are concluding our Dating Warfare series?

Demas was the guy who looked like he had it all together. He hung out with the right people and he talked the talk. Yet his heart was drawn away by the enticements of this world. He stopped believing the truth and he bought into the lies. He allowed the love for pleasure and this life to consume him and he departed from those who he trusted.

The Proverbs say “he that thinks he stands, beware lest he falls.” Or put another way, “pride comes before the fall.” When you think you got it all together, that you are different or special and that you can bend/break rules and it will work out, watch out. It only takes a moment of weakness to give into the lies, but if you continue to follow the lies you will begin to believe them. Remember “sin takes you farther than you want to go, keeps you longer then you want to stay, and will cost you more then you want to pay.”

John got off to a rocky start. He joined up and gave it a shot, but felt like it was too much for him. He turned back. Yet he saw the errors of his ways, sought out his cousin Barnabas and asked him to mentor him. Before too long he was hanging out with the right crowd and learning to be faithful to his call. He followed the truth and God blessed him for it. Paul recognized the change and trusted him.

In your life, you may make mistakes…you will make mistakes. But it does not have to end there. Never give up. Surround yourself with godly Christian influences. Enlist a mentor who can help you make good decisions. Allow the truth of God’s Word to defeat the lies. Become a John and not a Demas.

Maybe you have messed up. Maybe you messed up big time. Maybe you are dating the wrong guy, or you have had sex, or you have a broken heart. It is not too late. God is a forgiving God who can bring healing to your heart. Turn to Him, trust Him and ask Him to forgive you (1 John 1:9). He will never turn you away and He will make you new (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

Commitment

The past few weeks we have been looking at the teachings of 2 Timothy through the lens of dating and relationships. After all this is a letter written to a young man from an older mentor, full of impassioned counsel from a man at the end of his life. Early in the book Paul warns Timothy to “guard” the good deposit and to be a good “soldier” for the Lord. It was with this in mind that I thought of this series:

I believe desperately that the most important decision you can make in life is to trust Jesus Christ. Second to that would be choosing the person you are to marry. Which leads me to view the dating scene as very important. Those you choose to surround yourself with will impact the decisions you make.

The Bible reveals that there is a very real enemy who appears as an “angel of light,” (2 Corinthians 11:14) but wants to “steal, kill and destroy” our lives and relationships (John 10:10).  There is a spiritual battle that is contending for our souls constantly and too often we compartmentalize our spiritual life to just Sundays and/or Wednesdays.

Then we see that there are real people that seek to destroy us, confuse and seduce us (Proverbs 7). Seduction is tough to recognize because it is so appealing and seems so right. Seduction comes in many forms, whether it is the lie of pornography promises great satisfaction that only leads you empty, or a person in our life that “just gets me.” In the end, these cheap imitations of the real thing will always destroy us (Proverbs 7:27).

And so as a soldier we need to approach our dating and selection of a spouse with Honor, Courage and Commitment. Honor: we need to have personal integrity, a sincere faith and guard our hearts. Courage: we to bravely flee from the entrappings of the dating scene and boldly follow godly examples. Commitment: we need to hold fast to what God says no matter what our culture, friends or even family tell us, knowing that the true prize is Jesus Christ.

Commitment

 

If you would take a few moments to survey the entertainment landscape and consider the message that music, movies and TV is teaching us about relationships, what do you think you will come up with? How will these teachings stand up to Scriptural teachings?

Once upon a time, the rating system was helpful in keeping certain topics reserved for adults. Whether the content was good or bad is one issue, but at least it was reserved for those who were supposed to be old enough to discern for themselves. Yet I am amazed at how the topic of sexuality and romantic relationships are being pushed on younger and younger generations. Even the Disney channel has teenage soap opera like messages for children.

Sadly I am no longer surprised by how the TV shows depict how the first kiss leads straight to sex.  Relationships have been reduced to flirtatious sexual urges. Self-centered, sexual objectification underlies almost every scene. On top of that, we find ourselves, through entertainment, desiring for the sinful choice to be made. For example, they create the heroine’s husband to be a jerk, distant and stupid, and her co-worker the “guy she always deserved.” We want the divorce to happen so our favorite characters can be together…I have a problem with that. When our entertainment tells us that “what is wrong is right and what is right is wrong” (Isaiah 5:20).

This is no longer just part of our entertainment, it is a philosophy our entire culture has adapted to. This is the type of thing Paul is warning Timothy about in 2 Timothy chapter 3.

The Pursuit of Happiness…

“God just wants me to be happy,” is a phrase I am so sick of hearing. It sort of sounds good, but the true meaning of this statement is sickening. Most of the time someone is using this phrase to justify the sin in their life. This is the spirit that opens the third chapter. People are “loves of self…, without self-control… and lovers of pleasure rather then godliness.”

When happiness becomes our initial draw we are setting a course for destruction. God is so gracious to not give me everything I want. There are so many times that I want something and later I realize that would have been the worst thing for me. We don’t always know what will truly make us happy. Yet Jesus promises that when we love Him, pursue Him that He will give us abundant life (John 10:10).

As C.S. Lewis said, “Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth 'thrown in': aim at Earth and you will get neither.”

Absence of Power…

You ever see someone who looked to be super strong, but it was all a show? I had a friend who lived on the dorm that I was the RA on in college who was like this. He was at the gym all the time building the “vanity” muscles and he looked so strong. Yet he had no power at all. One day, I heard this muffled scream and squeal coming from down the hall. As the RA I knew I had to go check it out. What I saw was this guy getting bested in a wrestling match with another guy who never worked out and looked smaller. Here we see an appearance of strength with no real power.

Similarly, many Christians or “fake Christians” are walking around looking good, but having no power at all. In many ways, they are following the Bible, but they keep holding back from true obedience to Christ. And today, sexuality is one of the biggest areas that people do not want to surrender to Jesus.

Disobedience to Jesus leads us to living a powerless life. We may be able to talk the talk, and fool one another, but we can never fool God. Soon, just as Jannes and Jambrews were shown to be powerless, our true colors will be revealed.

Our only hope is to repent, stop sinning and turn to Jesus. He is always waiting to receive us in and to strengthen us again (1 John 1:9).

Source of Strength

You may say you are not a reader, but you are. You just have to want to read it. It is evident in the Facebook statuses you read, the Tweets you devour and the magazines you peruse. If it’s interesting to you, you will read it. Like the “7 thing that will make you lose belly fat,” or “10 foods to avoid,” or “how to drop 2 dress sizes by June.” Sure it might just be one article and not a book, but you read all the time. The problem is, what you are reading isn’t leading to true power.

God has given us His Word for our good. It is inspired, meaning it came directly from God, is reliable and powerful. You can trust the Bible. God, after all, is our Creator, so you’d think He has some pretty good ideas of how we are to live life to the fullest.

He knows what is right, what is not right, how we can get right and how we can stay right. He hasn’t kept these secret, but revealed them in the Bible. Now we need to read it, compare our life to it and weigh everything by it.

The promise is that when you turn to God’s Word you will be complete, lacking nothing. That’s huge. So many of you are seeking completeness in broken relationships. Going between one and then another will not bring wholeness to you. However, God, through His Word will bring that completeness.

Trusting God’s promises for your sexual and relational pursuits will bring great reward. I want to qualify “great reward.” As a young man I wanted desperately for Jesus to return, but I wanted Him to wait until I was married. You know, I wanted to have sex and kids and stuff. Yet today, I understand that the true prize is Jesus.

Let me say that again, the true prize IS Jesus. He is our great reward. When you become a Christian, you are committing to Jesus. He freely offers salvation, forgiveness and a relationship with Him. Is He enough for you? That question will challenge your commitment.

Courage - boundaries in dating

What’s the most courageous thing you have ever done? Jump out of a plane, snowboarding, dirt bike riding, or something else? Have you stopped to consider how fortunate we are to live in a country and time when we have to seek out things to demonstrate courage? On average, we do not have battles coming to our doorstep, bad people kicking in our doors or oppressive regimes enslaving us.

In our freedom we seek out thrill rides and entertainment. Yet we often miss what courage really is. Courage is not doing something stupid or trying to get a thrill. Courage is action in the face of fears. Not the absence of fears, but a willingness to do the right thing in face of the fears.

An opportunity for courage really does face you every day; you just may not realize it. As a believer in Jesus, everyday you make choices to either stand on the truth or to compromise. Oh the line seems so subtle at times or we rationalize it away, but non the less, the line is there. Courage is standing for the truth no matter what. It’s facing the fear of potential loneliness, rejection or ridicule.

In comparison to our brothers and sisters around the world, the persecution we may face is nothing. However, the fears are legitimate and scary. But a good soldier of Jesus Christ must have the courage to stand strong.

This is what Paul was reminding Timothy about in 2 Timothy chapter 2.  He begins by telling Timothy to take the things that he has learned from Paul and teach others. I believe there are two principles here that lead to courage. The first is to follow the example and the second is to build a team.

Timothy is not in this alone, Paul has gone before him and set an example for him to follow. What better way to have courage to do something when someone has gone before you and showed you the way. In another passage (1 Corinthians 11:1) Paul says “imitate me as I imitate Christ.” Paul had counted the cost, faced his fears and stood for the truth. Timothy was well aware of this and Paul was telling him to take courage and follow.

With the reminder to follow Paul, comes the next step of being the example to others. Teaching and showing them how to follow Christ. We will discuss this more in the fourth study. For now I think it is important to build a team. The type of friends we have, the person we choose to date, those who are closest to us will influence us the most. If you want to take a stand for the truth, for purity then you need to surround yourself with a team who is on the same page. But what are we seeking to encourage each other in?

Presenting Yourself To God

One of the most exciting times in High School can often be the homecoming or prom season. It’s that time that boys get nervous about asking girls, girls get nervous about what boy is going to ask them or the fear of not going. Then there is the suits, tuxes and dresses. It’s an evening of flowers, dinners and dances. Sometimes it’s a first date, other times it the beginning of a new relationship, or it’s the first and last date. Everyone gets caught up in the romance of the ball.

I think for me the most amazing part of the night was picking up my date. Being scared to death to meet her parents, sitting in the living room with everyone’s eyes on you while you all wait for the young lady to descend the stairs. Afraid that her dad is going to give you the death look or that you will mess up on answering his questions. But then that moment would finally come when she would come down the steps and present herself to everyone. To see her in her beautiful dress, all made up for an evening with me was a special time. The family all oohing and ah-ing over her, echoed my very thoughts.

Very much like this, we should consider how we need to present ourselves to God. All that work and effort for one evening in High School lasts for a moment, but courageously obeying God lasts for eternity. We are not to be haphazard in our approach to God, but are to do our best to present ourselves to Him. In order to do that, we should be prepared and we should pursue Him. We can do this best in our dating and relationships by setting up boundaries.

Boundaries

Paul tells Timothy to “flee youth passions…” In reading this, my mind goes back to Genesis 39 when Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife. Joseph didn’t try to be strong and negotiate, he ran when temptation presented itself. How did he do this? He was ready far before the situation arose.

In the moment is not the time to try and decide what is a good boundary and what is not. Let’s be honest with each other, you desire sex and physical activity. To deny that truth is foolish. The question is do you want to fulfill your sexual desires more or less then you desire to honor God. See God has given us one avenue for purity in sexuality and that is marriage. So you need to evaluate what you want to pursue, God or sex.

If you know that you have these desires then you can begin to create boundaries that will help you avoid being caught up in a moment. Paul tells Timothy to flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace out of a pure heart. Why? Because the enemy’s tactics are enslaving and dangerous. Again, Jesus came to give life but the enemy seeks to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10).

Take a moment and list out your boundaries? Or have you never thought of them? This goes back to presenting ourselves before God takes intentional planning. God commands us to “be holy as I am holy!” Setting up boundaries helps us to remain holy. The boundary itself does not make you holy, but personal boundaries reveal what is important to you.

Think of it like a castle’s walls. It’s the line of defense for the most valuable items in the city. The stronger the walls the better the defense. If the walls are absent or crumbling then the raiders can come in and plunder the city easily. If the walls are strong and powerful then they will withstand an assault.

Again, I called this series the Dating Wars because too often the enemy will use good people to destroy you. Don’t give into the enemy’s tactics. Build a strong walls or boundaries and seek to present yourself holy and blameless before God.

Be courageous, be willing to stand for Jesus and seek purity. Do not compromise. Remember to follow the example of those who have come before, build a team of others who will stand strong, do your best to present yourself to God and set strong boundaries of righteousness.

Honor - personal integrity in dating

We like to live our lives our own way, do our own thing and choose our own path. Some people like to give us input, whether we want it or not. Yet, every so often comes some advice that really hits home and makes us change because it comes from someone we trust. It becomes even more impactful when you know that the advice given is the last thing you may ever hear from this person.

Think of someone you have trusted and loved in your life. Someone who has given you good instruction and wasn’t afraid to tell you how it is. Now think of the urgency they might speak to you if they knew that their death was coming soon, and what they were about to say is the last thing you would ever hear.

This is what we encounter when we open up the book of 2 Timothy. Paul is in prison facing the an impending death sentence. He knows that in a matter of days he will die and he pauses to write a letter to his son in the faith, Timothy. Now this is a book from a specially appointed apostle to a young pastor, however the spiritual principles speak to everyone of us who name the name of Christ.

Over the next couple of weeks I want to explore these impassioned words to young Timothy from Paul and see how the advice given is relevant to today’s youth and their view of dating. I’m calling this “Dating Warfare” based on the instruction to “guard the good deposit.” I first thought of a Sentinel, a military guard who has been entrusted with a great task. You may think of the guards at Arlington Cemetery who will stand guard at the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier 24/7 365 days a year, no matter the condition. I recently saw a picture of these guards, all volunteers, who stay faithful to their call no matter what the circumstance is. It is such an example of what we are called to do in the Bible.

I am convinced that one of the greatest battlefields Christians face today is that of romantic relationships. Satan knows that God has created us as relational beings (Genesis 2:18) and just as our first parents where drawn away by the forbidden fruit, so too are our hearts quickly pulled away from God’s plan for us. This culture we live in has been so impacted by a false view of marriage and intimacy that the statics within the church are following the world’s pattern at a staggering rate.

It is why I think the message of 2 Timothy is so timely for our teens. Paul calls Timothy to a life of Honor (chapter 1), Courage (chapter 2), Commitment (Chapter 3) and to Lead by Example (chapter 4), of which we will look at over the next coming weeks.

Honor

Personal integrity is such a fragile thing. It can take an entire lifetime to build integrity but only a moment to destroy it. I once heard integrity defined as “who you are when nobody is looking.” The real you. As Christians, there is a “code of conduct” that God has called us to in Christ Jesus. Yet so many that call themselves Christians today have completely different standards when it comes to dating and relationships then what the Bible has.

Legend has it that when a young soldier fell asleep at his post, he was discover by Alexander the Great. This offense was punishable by death. Alexander the Great asked the soldier what his name was. “Alexander,” said the solider. Alexander the Great responded with, “change your name or change your conduct.”

Too many Christians are Christians in name only but not in conduct. Honor in our walk with Jesus means that we live a repentant lifestyle, that is, we humbly submit our conduct to God’s will, not our own. To come to Christ we must first acknowledge our own sinfulness and need for a Savior. When Christ forgives us, he declares “go and sin no more.” Sure we wrestle with sin, but you MUST be wrestling with it, not giving in to it.

There is a Promised Life in Christ

 When you choose to follow Christ, He has promised you new life, an abundant life (John 10:10, 2 Corinthians 5:17). As we saw last week, God has provided everything we need for life and godliness. You better believe that this promised life and provision for that life includes our view of dating, sex, and relationships.

Paul shows us that Timothy had a sincere faith, meaning he lived out what he believed. That is the definition of honor. He reminded him that fear does not come from God, but power, love and self-control.

In our culture, it is easy to be fearful about taking a stand on sexual purity and intentional dating. By sexual purity, I mean that according to God’s Word there is only one appropriate avenue for sex, which is within the confines of marriage. Marriage is intended to be between one man and one woman for one lifetime. Intentional dating is closer aligned to a traditional courtship, where there is the goal of marriage and getting to know someone with the anticipation of commitment. Dating today becomes cheap imitations that lead to more problems then help…more on this later.

The life we have in Christ promises to give us power to stand strong in the face of temptation. It demonstrates for us true love and a pattern for us to build our relationships off of. And gives us the ability to remain pure in tempting situations.

Standing Firm

Paul reminds Timothy to not be ashamed of Jesus but to guard the deposit entrusted to him. In our culture it is very tempting to back down from biblical principles because the seem “outdated” or “old fashioned.” The media and entertainment industry tries to make anyone who holds to biblical virtues look stupid and silly. When Christians cave on these biblical standards, they do so because they are embarrassed of Jesus. Let me say that again, when you choose to follow the world over the Bible it is because you are embarrassed of Jesus. The Bible is Jesus’ Word to us, it’s about His character, His love. The Bible describes the design, delight and desire of our Creator, Jesus Christ.

Instead we are to guard the deposit God has given to us in Christ Jesus. He has given us forgiveness, a relationship with Him, a promised hope and the Holy Spirit. He has promised us blessings when we obey Him. He wants you to know that when you are not ashamed and you stand firm, He will bless your relationships.

If you do not obey and honor God before marriage, what makes you think you will in marriage? Think about that.

The Key is Knowing your Commanding Officer

“But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.” Paul writes this to inspire Timothy and us. When you know Jesus (John 17:3) then you will have confidence in Him. He is the one who guards you and will hold you. He is the one who picks you up and cleans you off (1 John 1:9). Look to Him for inspiration and hope.

As I like to say, love and pursue Jesus with all you have and He will work out the details. In dating, as you seek to honor Jesus with your decisions He will guide you. Those you date will either be attracted to Jesus through you or repelled by Him. There is no middle ground. You just have to do your part and purse Jesus. Know you Commanding Officer, trust Him and hold fast to what He has given you.

Seek to live a life, in dating specifically and all areas generally, that is full of honor. So that one day Jesus doesn’t say to you, “change your name or your conduct,” but “well done my good and faithful servant.”

What does the Bible say about Dating?

Spring is here! And with that is the beginning of Major League Baseball, flowers and of course…the dating and relationship series in youth group!! So grab your Bible and lets open up to the book of Hezekiah and look at the rules for dating. Oh wait, Hezekiah didn’t write a book. As for finding a clear, easy to find list of the do’s and don’ts for dating, you are just not going to find it.

The writers of the Old and New Testament did not envision modern day dating practices when the Bible was written. I am certain that the Apostle Paul would have a few paragraphs he would have loved to leave for us spelling out some guidelines, but that wasn’t part of the plan.

However, the Bible is not silent when it comes to principles for romantic relationships. It may not specifically address “should I date or court” but there is plenty it has to say about the type of person you are to pursue. It does tell you how to treat others and defines what true love is.

So though we don’t have “Epaphrous’ Guide to Dating” we do have the promise that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3-4). Within the pages of Scriptures is the promise that when we humbly seek to obey God and His Word, He will guide us into all truth.

The problem is that we have been so indoctrinated by our culture that we do not come to this topic objectively. One of these days I will write a blog called “How Disney and Porn have ruined relationships.” It’s easy to see that pornography has objectified and demoralized human sexuality, but Disney and other children’s programing are throwing romantic and relational influences on children that impacts their view of life and relationships without realizing it.

It is very clear that we live in an over sexualized and over Romanized culture and it’s destroying relationships. Personal happiness and immediate gratification have become the most important pursuits, which leave people feeling neglected and used. Nobody can live up to these selfish pursuits and they will ultimately destroy every relationship. The only hope we have is repentance and pursue Christ. This is what Peter means when He says, “having escaped from the corruption that is in the world” (2 Peter 1:4).

It is why I preach this axiom: love Jesus with all your heart and He will take care of the details. Look, if you passionately pursue Christ God will work out your relationships. We have this promise, that if we abide in Christ He will work in and through us (John 15). When we love Jesus the Fruit of the Spirit will reign in our hearts and relationships. Read Galatians 5:22-24 and ask, “how would these characteristics impact my relationships?” What would dating, engagement and marriage look like if both individuals displayed “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, who have died to sinful desires?”

It would look beautiful and be a relationship that displays the beauty and wonder of God. Though we might have to dig for it, God has left us everything we need to know in order to live godly and upright lives in today’s dating scene. May we ever be vigilant and disciplined in our pursuit of Christ and His plan for our lives.

Sacrifice.

“Looking unto Jesus…” seems like an appropriate beginning on this Holy Week reflection. Really it’s the call we have for everyday as a believer. Shouldn’t we be looking unto Jesus constantly? However, the wonderful thing about Holy Week celebrations is the intentional slowing down and focusing on the Passion of Jesus Christ.

The author or Hebrews begins the twelfth chapter of his book with the exhortation to follow in the footsteps of the faithful saints who have gone before us and sacrifice for our Lord who endured so much for us. Chapter 11 is full of familiar and not so familiar characters that lived by faith and looked toward the hope in Christ to overcome. It is a chapter often called the “Hall of Faith.” We can read it and be inspired to follow Jesus because fellow fallen humans have walked that path before us.

One thing they held in common with Jesus, they were willing to hold on to their faith no matter the sacrifice.

Sacrifice. It is such a difficult word for us to understand. Not difficult in the sense of a vocabulary word, but difficult for us to understand as a life style. Paul challenges us to be a “living sacrifice” for God (Romans 12:1-2). We read the Bible and memorize the passage but do we really understand sacrifice? Do we know what it means to be a living sacrifice?

God Just Wants Me To Be Happy

Today we are so far removed from the sacrificial system and have been lulled to apathy by the comforts of prosperity. We think sacrifice belongs in the past, or is summed up in a prayer of confession when we first got “saved,” whatever that means. We don’t know the first thing about real sacrifice or the persevering heart of the saints in Hebrews 11. If we would just take a moment and look up Voice of the Martyrs, or read Foxe’s Book of Martyrs and see what our brothers and sisters were willing to endure for their faith. Maybe, just maybe we would begin to reorient our thoughts about sacrifice.

No today the “pursuit of happiness” reigns in the heart of man. “God just wants me to be happy and so I will do what makes me happy”…even if that means disobeying Scripture. “If the Word of God interferes with my happiness then it must have meant something different.” “Certainly the God of the Universe was mistaken when he called my source of happiness sin.” These attitudes are deeply entrenched in our lives and we don’t even know it.

You will not find a verse in Scripture where Jesus says He came to make you happy in your sin. You will not find Jesus willing to overlook sin and encourage you to keep doing it. You will not see Jesus making light of your gossip, your lust, your anger, your worry, your gluttony, your bulimia, your cutting, your drunkenness, your cheating, your stealing, your foul language, your…you know what it is.  He doesn’t look lightly upon sin.

Despite what you think, sin does not make you happy. Sure it might provide temporary pleasure that can be confused as happiness, but in the same instant it is destroying your joy. As the old saying goes, “sin will take you further then you want to go, keep you longer then you want to stay and will cost you more then you want to pay.” The problem is that we get caught up in the illusion that sin is so good and that it is the road to true happiness.

However, if you would allow yourself to truly reflect on what you call happiness in your sin, you will see how destructive it is. You will see how much you are sacrificing to hold on to your sinful behavior and desires. You will see that your attitude, your relationships, you joy has all been tainted by this sin. It is so very costly and it might cost you your soul.

Who For The Joy

Jesus knows how costly sin is. He knew it before He created the world. He knew you would sin against Him before He formed you. And yet He still created. He still allowed you to be born. Even though He knew it was going to cost Him His perfect and pure life. That He would have to shed His sinless blood for the payment for sin.

You see, Jesus looked beyond sin and saw a prize. He looked beyond momentary pleasure and fleeting happiness, to see everlasting joy. He saw the opportunity to provide redemption, forgiveness and reconciliation to sinful man. He looked forward and saw the provision for you to be freed from sin, to be in right standing with God and to have hope for your future. He saw joy. He saw you. He sacrificed Himself for joy.

Endured Such Hostility

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a wimp when it comes to enduring pain and suffering. I mean seriously, as soon as I get a little cold I just want to have my mom take care of me and make her homemade chicken soup. I want to escape pain. I want to run from uncomfortable situations. And in my battle against sin…it’s no different. It’s a struggle. I don’t want to really battle, that’s too hard. Yet, as a follower of Christ, giving in is not an option. Jesus died to set us free…so be free!

The writer of Hebrews exhorts us when we are feeling overwhelmed in our struggles, to consider what Jesus endured for you. Look at what He was willing to go through in order to provide you with the power to overcome. Look at how far He was willing to go to demonstrate His love for you. Can you really look at Christ’s sacrifice and not be encouraged to stand firm?

Seriously, in your struggle against sin have you got to the point of shedding your blood? It begins to put our struggle into perspective. Jesus shed His blood that we might live. Take time this Holy Week to contemplate what Jesus endured for you. Maybe watch the Passion of Christ, or read a reflection on the cross. Allow the horrendous nature of his persecution and death to bring your sorrow and grief over your sin. Allow it to cause temporary sorrow that leads to eternal joy.

Why?

Why would Jesus endure all of this if He just wanted you to be happy? He knew that mankind was stuck in slavery to sin and so He came and died so that they could…continue in that sin? That makes no sense. He came and died to set us free.

If you have trusted Christ, He has set you free. You have been set free from sin. You have been set free to live a righteous life. He died to make you holy, pure and Christ-like. Don’t settle for cheap imitations. Don’t allow the lies of temporary pleasure to rob you of eternal joy. Be a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing unto God.

Jesus knows what will bring you true joy and happiness…the pursuit of holiness. Stop sacrificing for sin, and learn to self-sacrifice for Jesus. It will cost you everything, but you gain far more then you could ever imagine.

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot