Overcoming Conflict

What was the last argument you had? Who won? Did you resolve it or is there still some simmering resentment deep down?

Ok, this is not going to be a group counseling session, but conflict is unfortunately a normal part of life. Anytime you introduce another person into your circumstance, you are inviting the potential for conflict. Deep inside of us, we want everyone to be a clone of…yep, yourself. You want people to think the way you do, act the way you do, dress according to your preferences, listen to your kind of music, drive the way you do, and the list goes on.

When we are so “me” focused, we will run into conflict often.

The Problem and The Beauty

You see the problem we run into is that everyone is different, and that is what makes humanity beautiful. An old preacher once said, “give me a horse and in 15 minutes I will tell you everything you ever need to know about that horse, however, introduce me to a person and it can take a life time to understand them.”

Each person you bump into every day is different. They think differently. Their life experience is different. They process thoughts, feelings and emotions differently. And when you look at these differences as an inconvenience to you then you run into problems. But when you look at them as an opportunity to learn, grow and serve, it becomes beautiful.

Wired for Community

Way back in the Garden of Eden, when God was creating the world, he formed the first man and gave him a responsibility. He had him name all the animals in the world. God brought the animals before Adam and he gave them names. In this, God allowed Adam to see his need for a companion and stated “It is not good for man to be alone.”

Animals are great. Some are lovable, cuddly and loyal, but they cannot replace human interaction. God wired Adam for community, but there was no one for him. So God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and took a rib from Adam and created Eve.

This act of removing something from Adam that can only be completed by Eve was God wiring Adam and Eve for community. And all humans that have come from our first parents are wired for community. We all have a longing to know and be known by others.

Desire is Not Enough

Though we all desire and long for the perfect community and closest relationships, our experience can be so different from our desire. We all want to be known, but we also fear being known. We begin to hold back, hide and cover up our “self”. It is this fact that creates such a tough environment to get to know others.

Trust is important. Listening is important. Time is important. But, we are all sinners. Sin, in any amount, has a ripple effect that disrupts relationships. We have to recognize our own sinfulness and look how we can overcome our own propensities for sin.

That is why Jesus came, to overcome our sin. The first and most important relationship that sin destroyed is the one with our Heavenly Father. The perfect life, sacrificial death, burial and bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ is the only means to restoring our relationship with the Father. Trusting Christ brings forgiveness, restoration and adoption into God’s family.

The Gospel also shapes how we interact with others and leads us into deeper and purer relationships then we could have imagined.

Love Your Brothers

Jesus said that our love for fellow believers will be a testimony to the world of our love for Him. How we interact with other Christians is so important. In order to be good at loving others, we need to learn how to deal with conflict in a Christ like manner. And when we do, we make God look glorious (Matthew 5:16).

Dealing with conflict may be messy, confusing and draining, but it is always worth it. But when we go into every situation with a Gospel mindset, we start with an opportunity to be peacemakers.

Start with yourself first. What sins did you commit? How did you contribute to the problem? Tell the person your findings. Make a rule that you cannot point fingers at others, but must point at yourself. It is hard to fight with someone who only talks about how they have wronged you.

Look to be Christ in this conversation. Whoever you are arguing with needs to see Christ. They need to hear the love and compassion of the Savior, not be told how much of a screw up they are. Proverbs tells us that a gentle answer turns away wrath and is like a refreshing drink on a hot day. Seek to bring refreshment to others.  

Allow Romans 12 to be your guide for community.

“Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:9-21 ESV)

Remember, you are wired for community, but true community takes hard work. Don’t just desire it, work for it.

Selah: Wonder, Awe, Enjoying our Creator

When’s the last time you found yourself caught up in wonder? Something that just caused you joy as you enjoyed its natural beauty and elicited a response of awe deep within?

I hope you as you read those questions that something recent quickly came into your mind’s eye. If you had to think about it for a while, or it’s been a long time since the last time you were filled with wonder I encourage you to seek out the time and place to experience it soon.

King Solomon wrote, “He (God) has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

The way you were created, the way you are hard wired, is to be captured by beauty and wonder. There is beauty all around us every day. Are you looking for it? Not beauty by the world’s standards, but the true, the good and the beautiful.

When he says that “God has set eternity into man’s heart…” he’s telling us that our very souls are inquiring about the unknown. Can there be anything to cause more wonder then eternity? All we know is linear time, from birth until some unknown date that we expect to die, time has a beginning and an end. Eternity is beyond time. Think about that and wonder, be in awe at your own finitude.

“Yet he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end,” means our wonder will never end. We will never have all the answers. Our brains cannot comprehend all of it. We are not intended to be God, or to know what God knows. But being created in the Image of God means that we can comprehend what God reveals to us.

Sunday I went for a run in preparing for the Akron Relay next weekend. Having run a longer run on Saturday, my body wasn’t feeling this run. I am thankful I chose a nice section of the Metro Parks towpath to run because the scenery was beautiful. The evening sun was slowly beginning to set, there was the boardwalk crossing a pond with Lilly pads and ducks. Stopping and leaning on the rail, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face and seeing the beauty of creation caused my heart to wonder at the creativity of the Creator.

Nature is one thing causes me to wonder. If I pause long enough, anywhere I am I can find wonder. If you take time to look at a leaf, or the sun shining through the trees, or the ants marching one by one, or… There is so much in nature to cause wonder, and when we find wonder we find ourselves, for we were made to wonder.

What causes you to wonder?

In today’s Quiet Time, we read:

“May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, Selah that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you!” (Psalm 67:1-3)

We learned that selah means to pause, to think and reflect on what you read. In order to wonder, you need to selah often. What could cause us to wonder more than the grace, blessing and favor of our God!

When you are pausing, thinking and reflecting on God, His Word, His promises and His love, you will impact others for Christ. When you are caught up in wonder and awe of the Almighty, the problems of this life begin to take a proper perspective. When you find yourself in awe of God, you can agree with Paul when he says, “I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).

Take some time today, find a quiet place, go outside, admire a painting, look up in the sky, whatever it takes to cause you to wonder. Meet with God, tell Him about what inspires you. Find the good, the true and the beautiful as you sit in awe of your God.

Making the Most of Your Time: Back to School

It’s official, everyone is now back to school! Summer vacations have come to an end and the excitement, or dread, of the school year is upon us. I remember getting excited that school was back in session. Getting a new back pack, school supplies, books, locker, and of course reconnecting with my friends.

In my mind, I would tell myself I was going to start this year off differently than last year. I wanted to get a head start of all my classes and projects. I wasn’t going to procrastinate this year. And I was going to take a stand of my faith and tell my friends about Jesus.

I’d like to say that’s how it worked out. But I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities that came up sharing my faith early on, and the longer I waited the harder it got. I skipped homework assignments to play video games, or hangout with friends. I made the sports teams and spent my free time practicing.

Before I realized it, papers were due, test time had arrived and I felt ill prepared. Oh my teachers tried to prepare me, but I kept putting things off. I wanted to spend my time on the meaningless things and not on the important things. I missed out on eternal opportunities for the trivial.

I had a hard time with prioritizing as a student and that was long before Netflix, smartphones and social media demanded our attention. It is said that the average America spends 94.2 hours per month on social networks, phone, email, and watching television. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for the important things.

We all waste time with trivial things, but tonight we are going to look into God’s Word to see how we can start our school year off right and stick with it!

Time Flies!

James 4:14 says, “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

We are so prone to put things off until tomorrow and then before we know it, time has passed. The beginning of the school year may feel like you have tons of time before the end of the school year, but in a few short months you will be caught wondering where time went. Not only in the school year short, life is too. As we grow older and look back, it seems as though time moves quicker and quicker.

James is reminding us that our life is short and temporary. When we begin to think about eternity our 70+ years on earth are a blip on the radar. So start your year recognizing that time is too short to waste. Prioritize the important things.

Learn To Plan

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12).

It’s been said, “failing to plan is planning to fail.” Moses understood this when he wrote this psalm. He recognized the brevity of life and asked God to help him remember it as he lived his life.

We don’t know how many days we actually have to live, but we know our days are numbered. We will not live forever, therefore we should live with the end in mind. When we live for the end, we see that there are important priorities we need in our lives to finish well. We need to know Jesus, our Bible, prayer, share the Gospel with others, and so on.

How do you spend your time? Do you think ahead and plan or do you go with the flow? Are you concerned with school, career, relationships, fun, etc? Where does God fit into all of that?

Moses wanted a heart of wisdom, so he asked God to remind him of how short life is.

Make the Most of your Time

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

I’ll admit it, there were a few times I went into a test having not studied and threw up a “Hail Mary” type prayer. You know the Hail Mary pass in football is the long bomb at the end of a game hoping your receive catches it. Well, I would go into a test having not studied and asked God to miraculously place the information I needed in my head. It was like I thought God was my cosmic cheat sheet.

That’s not how God operates. He gave me all the tools required to pass the test. A brain, time, books, assignments, etc. I just needed to apply the tools He gave me.

In life, whether it is school, job, family, or relationships God has given us the tools we need, we just need to apply them. We need to make the best use of our time, prioritize and be faithful. Paul warns us in this text that the “days are evil,” we are prone to foolishness, and that it is easy to walk in an unwise way. If we go with the flow, if we don’t plan, and if we don’t prioritize, then we will be caught up into the foolishness of these evil days.

Important Stuff First

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

When you prioritize the important things in your life, not only do you get the important things, but you get the other things too. Your relationship with God is the most important thing. It is so tempting each day to prioritize school, job, homework, sports, band, xbox, relationships, and social media over your relationship with God. We prioritize the rest, but we miss out on God, and none of these are eternal, and none of these will truly be fulfilling.

God says, when we delight in Him, when we make Him the most important priority in our life, not only do we get God, but we get everything else we desire too. Now I say that with the qualification that we delight first in God, which changes our heart. We cannot love God and love sin. You have to choose to forsake sin and delight in God.

This video is a great illustration of what happens when we prioritize our relationship with God over everything else.

Plan your day with God first. Are you doing a daily Quiet Time? Are you talking to God? Are you memorizing Scripture? Are you sharing your faith? Let’s encourage one another to make the eternal things the most important things, to plan ahead and watch as God works all things out.